Anonymous Journal - Lucy

Fuckfuckfuckfuck

Do you ever feel like breathing is the thing that's killing you? Sometimes it hurts so bad to breathe that I can hardly stand it. Those are the worst sort of days. The days no amount of pills can numb.

I feel like that right now. It's like the air is drowning me. Have you ever felt like that? I hope not. It's the worst feeling in the world. Days like this it's so hard to think or eat or drink or live. It hurts so bad. It kills. Sometimes I wish it would just kill me. It would be so much easier if it would, because now I'm too much of a coward to do it myself. It would have been different a few years ago. It would have been so much easier a few years ago.

But now I just have to live like this. I wish I could make it better. I wish I could fix it, but I don't have the energy or the motivation anymore. I just want it to stop. No one understands. They all think it's so easy. They all think I can just get over it, like it's a cold or something. Like I'm not sick.

I am sick. I'm so sick. I'm not okay, you guys. I want to be okay so bad. I know he'll blame himself when it's not his fault. I don't want him to blame himself

It's all my fault.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Please

L