Anonymous Journal - Lucy

J, this isn't about what you'll think it is.

everyone says I'm too young

they don't know about the gun

don't say young when you mean dumb

little do they know

i'm not too dumb

i know what i'm doing

you focus on what i put myself through

maybe it's time to focus on you

we both know how you'll cope

when i finally shove these pills

down my fucking throat

it's inevitable

ain't it so incredible?

you're looking at another teenage tragedy

what a stupid fucking travesty

ain't it pathetic?

I'm more hopeless than romantic.

we dance around words we should say

i know we both hope they'll just go away

things aren't ever that easy

she told you from the start

that i barely have a heart

i swear I'm trying to stay clean

but being clean makes me so fucking mean

all i wanna do is see blood

maybe a loaded gun

ain't it so much fun?

now i won't write the end

just so you can pretend

that I'm not going to shoot myself

in my fucking head.

this is just a mix up of some songs I've been writing lately. i won't explain anything about this because these are my secrets spilled out onto a screen for countless strangers (andyou) to read. i'll regret this tomorrow, but tomorrow isn't today and right now this is my choice to make. who cares about the future when you can't see past the grey?

don't grow up like this.

xxL