Classified light- a criminal minds fan fiction

Not yet

//TW mention of suicide and suicidal thoughts//

Cameron still felt the shaking through her body as she sat in the police station conference room where the team were set up to work.

Not just from the train, not just from the tracks shaking below her- but from the pounding in her heart.

The thoughts she had, the step she almost took- the initial feeling of disappointment she had when she didn't fall.

And then the wave she was hit with when she realised the severity of what she had done, of the situation, of what might have happened if she was wrong.

She shook her head at the thoughts as she sat on the floor with Radomir's head resting on her lap. He was in such a state when she got back to the car, howling for her, barking so much that it shook the car.

Her heart broke in two when she saw him like that, a glimpse into the past.

She stroked his head that kept her there with him, not that she would leave him again, and apologised quietly over and over again to him in Russian as the group expanded on her theory in the same room.

"So the names on the letters have nothing to do with it? They're just there to distract us?" Morgan pointed out.

"Maybe- or maybe not, look-" Reid pointed out at the projector of the letter, "The first one is to parents, the 2nd one is to the victim's sister and brother who raised them, the next one is to the mom and step-mom of the victim however this last one is to 'Samantha' who is the daughter of the first two victims. All the other one's were written to parental figures except this Samantha which means-"

"That we should speak to her" Rossi finished his sentence with a nod, already leaving with Morgan and Emily to do so before Hotch could order them to.

"Reid, expand on this theory and check the handwriting and writing style with Garcia. JJ, research into if any of the victim's had a history of mental health issues or if they were just grabbed at the station and then see if they had any connection to the first two victims or this Samantha" Hotch ordered before pausing at where his attention had been fighting to be the entire meeting; Cameron.

She sat quietly on the floor stroking the dogs head at muttering in Russian with such softness to her voice and expression that calmed the shaking dog and confusingly made Hotch's heart ache.

"Would you like some water?" Hotch asked her as he walked over, Cameron not looking up at him as she shook her head.

"You're still shaking- are you cold? Would you like a blanket?"

She shook her head again.

"Are you going to speak or just keep shaking your head?" Hotch let out his misplaced frustration that made her tilt her head at him before the question she hadn't stopped thinking about since his arms wrapped around her on that platform.

"Why... why did you stop me?" She asked quietly.

"What?"

She didn't say anything else, she just looked back down at Radomir as Hotch was called by an officer out of the room.

He paused on his way out at the door, speaking quietly to her over his shoulder before leaving.

"Because... because I understood that letter too Miss Johnson, I understood that you wanted to be wrong, I understood that the shaking might not have been the only thing to make you fall."

Cameron looked out the door with a strange feeling that she couldn't quiet place. 

All she knew was that it hurt to think about Hotch having that understanding, it hurt to know he had felt what that note was talking about before- it hurt to know that he was more human than she thought.