Classified light- a criminal minds fan fiction

Wanting and wishing

Cameron had gotten what she wanted. 

Hotch had taken the files of her termination to Erin Strauss almost 4 weeks ago who was evaluating them with the council.

She no longer had to go into work, she no longer had to see the things on the cases that sent chills down her spine even now since she couldn't forget about them.

She had spent the last month away from the job, away from the team- away from Hotch.

She hadn't spoken to him or anyone else on the team since he left her in that hospital room and requested that Radomir was brought to her by an officer before they caught a normal flight back to Virginia after the case- unable to bare seeing any of the team on the jet, unable to bare seeing Hotch, unable to bare the goodbyes.

She had gotten her stuff from the hotel she had been staying at and left without a word to anyone, finding a cheap apartment she could stay in until she figured out what to do.

Cameron had gotten what she wanted, yes, but as she sat in her new apartment trying to figure out what her life was now without that job or the team she wondered if she wanted this at all.

It's for the best, you weren't a real agent, you always messed up- you didn't know what you were doing, she reminded herself as she finished washing the dishes and placed Radomir's food down for him.

Crossing the apartment to her sofa, she let herself lie down on it after taking off her work apron.

Cameron had gotten a job at the bakery down the street who were reluctant to hire her at first because of her lack of CV and her one previous job being 'FBI agent' which they assumed was some kind of a joke. 

It wasn't until she came in with homemade treats and beautifully platted and painted bread as a 'thank you' for the interview did they instantly hire on the spot three weeks prior, now brushing out her flour speckled hair.

She had dyed it back to her natural dark brown almost immediately after the last case, of which many of her injuries were still healing from.

It felt like a full circle moment dying her hair back to the colour it was when she was a child, albeit a bitter one.

A nudge alerted her to her side, looking down to see Radomir who had left his food to check on her.

"Go eat your dinner Rad, I'm fine" Cameron said but he didn't move knowing that she wasn't.

She chuckled and got up, following him to his bowl and sitting by it, stroking his fur as he ate.

"Thanks for always being there for me, thank you for not leaving me" she whispered as the dog ate.

Cameron had never felt lonely before, she had been alone before of course, she had spent a lot of time alone- but she had never felt lonely.

Not until now.

She wasn't being forced to be alone or running away to be alone- she was just left alone.

No one checking up on her, no one chasing her, no one wondering about her, no one waiting for her.

It was a type of loneliness that almost comforted her with its coldness.

She would go to work every morning, only speak to customers and the owner of the bakery occasionally when they came to check on her- and then she would come back in the early evening to Radomir who had gotten better at staying on his own most of the day.

She would eat dinner with him and then sit on the sofa until she fell asleep and wake up to do it all again.

The same routine.