Bloody hands

26- Nothing really matters

(Y/n)'s hand hovered above the polished wood of the door, the deafening silence in the corridor weighing heavy on her shoulders. Now alone and in the darkness she found herself with no choice but to face her anxiety and doubts.

Did she really want to confront her brother about what he saw ? Maybe she could just leave it at that and surely things would go back to normal, right ? After all this was no big deal, right ? Her swinging both ways didn't change who she is. She was (Y/n) before and she still is (Y/n). Somehow she finds this very ironic. Her sexuality which supposedly composed the most intimate part of her was destined to be fed to the public eye. 

The female had never understood why people made such a big deal of one's sexuality when this was purely personal. After all, what would it matter to society if she liked boys, girls or even cakes if so wanted ? But even so she felt compelled to treat this new part of her as an important ordeal thanks to years of conditioning telling her that if she was anything else than heterosexual she should make a big deal out of it, if not for her then for other people. 

So there she was, ready to clear things up with her sibling and to finally carry her relationship with Mia out to the light. And even though she tried to stay composed, the light shaking of her hands couldn't fool anyone. 

Finally, her hand came down on the door in a shy knock. Muffled sounds came from the other side, accompanied by footsteps, before the door swung open, the dark haired male towering above her. His clear blue eyes fell upon her form, a half smile quirking up his lips as he gestured her in.  

She entered, steps muffled by the thick cream carpet and plopped down on his bed, the male sitting down at his desk and turning to her. 

She inhaled deeply, a mix of fresh laundry and grass entered her nose. Her brother's room had always been a weirdly comforting place ever since they were children. The female didn't know if  the calming blue of the bedsheets and walls were to thank, or the open windows and fresh air, or maybe the various family pictures plastered on the walls. Memories upon memories, like a tiny museum of their life. 

She smiled softly at the sight of one picture in particular. The two of them smiling at the camera on the beach, seaweeds in (Y/n)'s hair and sand in Yuu's. They had been bickering just before their father interrupted them to take the shot. 

"I didn't know you kept those." She voiced, pointing to said picture and a few others around the room. 

The male sighed quietly, a soft smile curving his lips, eyes swimming with the histories behind every shot as he gazed at them. "Of course I did." He stood to his feet and walked to his nightstand, taking out a piece of paper from one of the drawers. "Especially this one." He handed the photo to her, "Can't remember if any cake made it to your mouth back then, or if it was just all spread out on your face !" 

Amusement bubbled up in his chest and chuckles flowed out of his lips, the sound slowly erasing (Y/n)'s tension. 

"Out of all the pictures dad took you had to keep this one ?" She questioned, frowning jokingly and repressing a laugh. 

"Well, can't blame me. This was a memorable sight." He remarked with an amused smile.

(Y/n)'s gaze fell on her younger self, a too long apron tied around her waist and chocolate all over her smiling face. She had just started baking back then and must have been around six. 

Silence fell between them, none of them speaking a word. (Y/n's eyes fixated on  the picture and Yuu observing her thoughtfully. The bed shifted as the male sat down beside her, folding his hands on his lap. 

"Why didn't you tell me ?" He queried quietly, voice soft and vulnerable like (Y/n) had never heard her brother before. "About... Her and you I mean." 

The female sighed and shifted slightly on the mattress, looking up at the male. His eyes bored into hers, honest and calm like an undisturbed ocean. No trace of disgust or dismay about her sexuality. Just a wish for answers and for her to let him in on her life. 

The (L/n) siblings had no secrets for one another, well at least (Y/n) had no secrets for her brother. No lies or deception between them, just pure honesty and communication. Like friends. So (Y/n) could only understand that her brother would like to know why she kept it from him, why she lied to him when they had always been so close. 

"Do you have so little trust in me ?" He voiced anxiously, pain obvious in his tone. 

The female inhaled deeply, "I guess I was afraid. Of how you'll react. I didn't want you to see me any differently or reject me."  She confessed, staring at her hands on her laps. She couldn't bear to look at him, not when she finally confessed what had been plaguing her mind all along. She wished she could fold in on herself and disappear right now. 

The male stood up to his feet and paced the room, head down and locks of black hair covering his features. (Y/n) observed him, fiddling with her fingers. After a few seconds which felt like an eternity to (Y/n) the boy finally turned his attention to her. His blue eyes pierced her, emotions whirling in their depth. A mix of hurt, disbelief and determination. 

"Gosh (Y/n), I could never reject you or think any less of you." He exclaimed, waving his hands in the air for emphasis, "I love you ! For better or for worse, for everything that you are." As the words flowed out of him the emotions in his stomach slowly died down and his voice softened. "And aren't." 

He sighed heavily, sitting back down at his desk and putting his head in his hands. He didn't mean to lose his temper, not with her. But she had just sputtered so much nonsense, he just had to. 

(Y/n) looked at him wide eyed, mouth agape as she searched for anything to say. But the words wouldn't come out and she remained frozen on the bed. 

"Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled." Yuu gently apologised, gazing up at her calmly. 

The female shook her head, finally moving and composing herself. "No, it's okay... Thank you." She offered him a grateful smile, tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she blinked them away. All her tension finally dying down and falling into puddles at her feet. 

"Thanks for being here for me. And sorry for lying to you about... Mia." She continued, standing up from the bed and slowly approaching him. 

Yuu could only smile tenderly at his sibling, opening her arms to welcome her in a comforting embrace they both needed. She fell against his chest, his arms wrapping around her in a bear hug, their scent mingling together. He tightened his hold on her, burying his own emotions deep in his heart, eyes burning. 

Right now was about her. He'd deal with his feelings later. 

(Y/n) finally laid in her bed, eyes staring at the ceiling as she laid down in her bed, the moon already hanging high in the sky and darkness engulfing her room.  A peaceful smile adorned her features. The weight of her previous worries all down the drain and her body light once again. 

That night she had told her mother and father during a family call. And as soon as the words had left her lips her mother had engulfed her in a hug, congratulating her for her first girlfriend, and for her first relationship really. Her father hadn't said anything, but a light smile had made its way to his lips and he had nodded. 

Happiness welled in her chest, excitement bubbling up her stomach and she punched the air in victory. 

Finally Mia and her wouldn't have to hide anymore. She'd be able to kiss her in the school corridors, hold her hand freely in the streets and invite her home. Not as a friend but as her girlfriend. And although this was only a question of social status, (Y/n) had never known how much she wanted the world to know they were together until now. 

And so she rolled over on her bed, grabbing her phone from the night table and sending a text to the green haired girl. 

'Done :))'

She clutched the device to her chest, too happy to close her eyes.