Club Echo

Falling Apart

Falling Apart by Michael Schulte

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Y/N's POV

I couldn't get my mind off it. I tried pushing it aside, but it kept coming back for me. Luckily for me, I was able to keep a strong front, at least enough to where Lizzie didn't even realize that there's something wrong with me. I waited until she had completely fallen asleep until I let my emotions get the best of me. I sobbed as quietly as I could, allowing myself to break down completely. I hate this stab-like pain inside of me stirring so strongly. It's breaking me piece by piece. No matter how hard I try, his words knock me down so easily. To make matters worse, as an overthinker, I let everything sink in. My mind began wandering off when Lizzie exploded on me the night she came back from her 'talk' with Robbie. I thought I could push it all the way, but it turns out, it's coming back for me. Hungry for my pain.

I don't think I got more than three hours of sleep. All throughout the night, I kept waking up with my heart throbbing out of my chest. My body was tired but my mind was wide awake. My thoughts filled my brain with all of the negative thoughts possible, hindering me from closing my eyes to get a goodnight's sleep. I never knew how long I've been up until I noticed the light from the outside, indicating that it's morning time. I glance at the clock. It's six in the morning. She should be waking up in an hour. It pains me to even look her in the eye. It's not that I don't trust her because I do, but, it's the fact that she didn't tell me about it.

I could feel the prominent pent-up anger building inside of me, and I don't like it one bit. I already know that if I don't do something about this, I will explode. It's only a matter of time before that happens.

When I felt Lizzie starting to wake up, I faced the opposite way as quickly as I could. I don't have the energy to put up another strong front. If I look at her, I will definitely crumble to pieces. If I'm being honest with myself, I just want to be left alone with my thoughts and feelings. For the first time, I don't want to be in the same room as her, and that hurts me to my core in a way I never thought it could.

I felt shivers down my spine as Lizzie's arm slung on top of my back, pulling me in for a hug. My chest began to heave softly as my lips quivered with the tears I'm trying to hold back. I'm well aware of the fact that it's better to talk about it now than later, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. With every second that passes by, it's getting harder and harder to pretend like I'm sleeping. Despite everything, part of me still craved her touch.

"Wake up baby, I miss you already." Lizzie's raspy voice fills my ears, making me squirm. "Please..." She trails soft kisses along my slightly exposed back. I swallowed the lump in my throat, clenching my jaw as tight as I could. I still pretended like I'm asleep.

I wish I could pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling, but I can't. It's becoming too overbearing with every second that it passes by. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. How can things be going so well, then, the next it's breaking my heart. It felt like I was led on to believe one thing but it turns out, it was the other. It's almost funny that a simple text message did enough damage to my heart. It was out of nowhere. I didn't see it coming. It was like I got sucker-punched. I can't even bring myself to think of something else and when I do, my mind would always drift back to those hasty messages. I almost didn't want to believe it. Maybe I read it wrong. But, as I gawked at the screen, re-reading the entirety of the message, I almost laughed to myself. It wasn't because it was funny, but rather that I'm allowing myself to drown in something I know I shouldn't even waste my energy on. But, it's a little too late for that. It fucking hurts and I've already wasted a lot of my time thinking about it with every chance I get.

Eventually, with no response, Lizzie gave up trying. I could hear her getting ready in the background, which I found some type of solace to. Maybe because once she leaves, it will give me time to think without having her around.