More than a game [a Damian Priest story]

3 Trigger

As we stood there sharing this breathtaking kiss, my logical thinking suddenly kicked in again. Abruptly I pulled back and stared up at Damian with a panicked look.

How the hell could I have done such a thing? It was as if my brain had banished all memories of my past from my mind during the last week. But now they were all back at once, hitting me with full force.

I made a mistake and had no idea what to do now. I did not know what to say. And I couldn't say anything without having to explain a lot of things.

"I'm so... sorry. I shouldn't... have... done that," I stammered.

"Hey, no. There's nothing to apologize for, Y/N. That was amazing!" replied Damian, smiling at me.

But that only made it worse. I had to get out of here. Quickly and as far away from him as I could.

"I have to go." I mumbled and started running, but Damian stopped me by grabbing my wrist.

"Y/N what's wrong?" he wanted to know. His smile had disappeared and concern was now showing on his face.

"Don't touch me!" I shrieked and yanked my arm away. I could already feel the all too familiar panic rising inside me.

As fast as I could I ran through the corridors backstage until I found a dark abandoned corner. I sank to the floor and desperately tried to get a grip on myself again. With my hands pressed against my head, I swayed back and forth. It didn't help. My chest tightened painfully. As if someone had put a rope around me and was now pulling on it. Tighter and tighter until I could hardly breathe.

The images that I always tried to suppress bubbled to the surface and pushed me back into the water. It was irrational that Damian triggered this in me. He had had nothing to do with it and yet it was happening.

I had thought I had processed this part of my life and left it behind me. I truly did! But my God, was I wrong. It was as if I had been thrown right back into the past.

Why couldn't I just live my life? Why did this have to happen now? That kiss was special and maybe there had been a chance for something new there. But the thoughts of the past had betrayed me only seconds later. Something in me did not allow me to go on.

Maybe that had also been the reason why I had resisted Damian's flirting so much. My subconscious wanted to protect me from this situation.

And that might have worked if Damian hadn't caught me. 

From that moment on, I felt that there was something there. But how could that ever work when my past was still haunting me? I had to find a way to overpower this shadow, this ghost. Was it possible that I had found something worth fighting for? I had no idea.

All I knew was that it certainly could not go on like this. I wanted my life back and without fear that my thoughts of the past haunted me. Of course, I had to tell Damian what had happened. Was I ready to do that? Was the tingling feeling he triggered in me worth opening up and showing him my damaged soul? Again I had no answer to my question.