Still Yours | Lee Heeseung (Book #3 Of The Idol Series) ✔

Chapter 29 - Taking a Breath

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　CHOI HANEUL　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

A day after what happened, I realized how wrong I was on letting my emotions flow like that and letting myself go and pour those all to Yeonjun.

I immediately sent a text message saying how sorry I was about what I said and that he shouldn't think about it.

Even though all that I said was true.

After all that, I didn't dare open my phone. I didn't answer any phone calls, even the ones from Heeseung. I didn't want to make the same mistakes he did.

I didn't want to even have the opportunity to pour all my feelings and frustrations into them, it's bad enough that I did it to Yeonjun.

Everything that I have push aside, every anger, every pain, just everything was poured out to my brother and he didn't deserve that. I tried my hardest to keep all these in me but that incident just pushed it all back.

A knock on the door echoed through my room. I knew it must be Yeonjun or Heeseung since they were the only ones who knew how to come into our house. So, I didn't answer.

"Haneul, open up. This isn't going to happen again."

I srang out of my seat as I heard the voice that I least expected, "Kaila?"

I opened the door and there she was, still in formal attire, she rushed and hugged me tight as I cried onto her arms.

After telling Kaila what had happened, we both fell into an eerie silence. I couldn't help but think that maybe Heeseung and I were never really meant to reunite. That maybe we were better off away from each other.

After a long while, Kaila spoke. "Can you handle it?"

Her eyes were seeking the truth. But when she said that, it wasn't the hate that came to my mind. That was when I realized what really was wrong and what was the reason why Heeseung and I can't really be together.

I chuckled, "The hate? Of course, now that I think about it, the hate isn't the problem." I sounded distant. I felt distant. Like I was in a place that made sense of everything that I was feeling.

Kaila looked at me confused. I'm pretty sure she came here because she was worried about how I would handle the hate. But that wasn't really the problem. At least not in my mind, "What is?" she asked.

I gulped. I'm ready to admit everything now. I need to.

"When Heeseung kissed me, whenever he hugs me, I just remember him being with someone." I looked at Kaila as I reminisced the days that I have been with Heeseung as we tried to fix our relationship.

"I feel so happy one second, then the next, I remember how he treated me and all what-ifs just come running back to my mind."

Then, I remembered my confrontation with Yeonjun, "I keep understanding everything and after my talk with Yeonjun I realized how I never really thought about myself."

Kaila was looking at me with pure pity and regret. I continued.

"It's always about you guys, my family, or Heeseung and what burden it would be to say what I feel."

I pushed all my feelings aside to not make them uncomfortable. To not burden them with my baggage but it's too much now.

"I'm tired, Kaila," I whispered as I sobbed. "The hate just made me realize that."