voicemail | b.e

fifty one*

BITCH THE TRANSITION FROM NDA TO TIA 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS SONG IS GONNA GO SO HARD LIVE I CANNOT WAIT

the grass was cold and wet but i didn't care, i was with my mum and that's all that matters.

my dad had come home from work and we'd ordered Thai food, eating together while watching tv. billie and my dad seemed to get along together which made me really happy.

billie was still exhausted, even after our two hour nap so she excused herself and went to bed and I followed shortly afterwards.

I couldn't sleep so I came to the place I felt like I needed to; my mothers grave.

I left billie in my bed and crept out of the house, listening to my sad music on the walk over to the cemetery.

"hi mummy, i miss you" i reach to rub my fingers along the photo of her, carved into the stone and bite my bottom lip to stop me from crying.

"I know it's been a long time, I've had so much on. I uh, i met someone" i close my eyes and feel the breeze, the fresh air and the blow of the trees.

"she's the love of my life and i wanted to tell you about her"

"her name is billie and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and she's a real life angel you know? she came into my life and now i can't imagine life without her"

"thank you for helping me experience love the way i never did, i didn't think i deserved it"

my phone starts to ring but i put it on silent, not bothering to check who it was.

"im so in love with her mum, so in love"

i smile and try and picture my mum and billie meeting, knowing my mum would love how warm she is.

she keeps me warm.

"i met louis" i whisper "i'm so sorry for what you went through as a child, and i wish you were here to talk to me about it, granny and grampa too"

"he's amazing, he kinda looks like dad, if dad didn't have a beer belly" i laugh to myself and wrap my arms around myself, to keep me warm.

"i wanna marry her one day" i whisper "and it makes me so sad you're not gonna be there to see me get married"

"and i-" i pause my sentence, hearing footsteps walking towards me. i spin around and its too dark to see who it is but they're walking towards me.

"angel" the closer the figure comes i recognise who it is, wiping my wet cheeks and opening my arms.

"cmere" i pull billie into my lap and hold her tight, letting the tears fall freely.

"hey hey look at me" i lift my head up and billie angles her body to hold my face in her hands, looking me in the eye.

"you're okay my love, what are you doing here?"

"i came to talk to my mum" i whisper, pointing to the gravestone we were sitting at.

"i tried to call you"

"i shut my phone off, how did you know where i was?"

"we're sharing locations together, baby please let me know if you're going anywhere, i need to make sure you're safe"

"i'm sorry, i just couldn't sleep"

"it's okay" billie grabs hold of my hand. "keep talking to her, i'll stay with you"

billie curls into me and i rest my chin on the top of her head, enjoying the warmth of her body.

"this is billie, the girl i was telling you about and uh she's a fucking superstar"