voicemail | b.e

seventy five

"gabby" I shoot my eyes open and come face to face with a little brown haired boy.

"good morning lil monster" I rub my eyes and pull the blanket further over my body.

"why are you hugging naked in bed with aunt biwwie?"

the bed ruffles behind me and billie turns behind me, pushing her chest into my back, placing a hand on my stomach. "morning lil man"

"biwwie why are you hugging naked with gabby?"

"because sometimes adults cuddle in bed together without any clothes on" billie answers him like it's the most obvious answer in the world.

"like mommy and daddy does?"

billie clears her throat "yes sometimes, where are they?"

"they're in bed"

"okay, why don't you go downstairs and let pancake and shark outside and I'll come make you some breakfast"

"can we have ancakes?" he asks eagerly and I nod my head "of course"

he runs out the room eager to get downstairs and let the puppies out so he can have his favourite breakfast.

"we need to start wearing clothes to bed bambi" I turn my neck to face her.

"but I like waking up to you naked" she grabs onto my boob and hooks her leg over mine, rolling her hips against my thigh.

"I'm sure you do" I pull the covers off me and push her leg, sitting up. "but I've got a little monster to feed"

"fine, can you bring me pancakes too?"

"only because you were a good girl last night"I lean down at peck her lips, sliding my shorts on.

"don't forget we're at the doctors this afternoon"

"I know love, if it comes back negative we'll try again, don't worry"

"but this is our second try" billie pouts.

"then it's not meant to be right now, but don't be sad because we'll have our own little bean one day"

I press my lips to hers once more and tell her I love her, going into the bathroom to pee and changing my underwear, going downstairs.

when Gabe comes into the kitchen I sit him up on the counter and he silently watches me make pancakes, trying to stick his fingers into the batter.

I keep a smile on my face even though I feel like going into my bedroom to cry.

"do you wanna help me stir?" I give him the wooden spoon and hold onto the bowl while he mixes everything together, splashes of flour going everywhere.

"good morning" Lisa comes into the kitchen and goes straight for the coffee machine, Cleary just woken up.

"hi mommy" gabe has his tongue sticking out while he concentrates on stirring the mixture.

"what you doing?"

"making ancakes"

"oooh can I have some?" Lisa asks, getting the milk and creamer from the fridge.

"yes"

I heat up the pan and take the spoon from Gabe, making sure everything is mixed and pouring a part into the pan, grabbing the spatula.

when I pour the batter I gave a wave of nausea and drop the spatula, running out of the kitchen and into the downstairs bathroom.

I lift the lid and fall to the floor, emptying my already empty stomach.