Multi-fandom Oneshots

Edgelords Get Married

Jeff the killer was having a normal night. Well, at least normal for him. He was having so much fun killing people and telling them 'dont you ever say im not real or gay'. While in the house of one of his murder victims he was getting ready to leave through the window when he suddenly bumped into a very handsome tall man. This man's lack of eyebrows made jeff instantly fall for him. Jeff realized, that maybe, just maybe, he was real AND gay. Jeff asked this man what he was doing here and the stranger answered with, 'I am ruining kids dreams and traumatizing them for life'. As soon as jeff heard that, he fell even harder. He too loved to traumatize people and ruin lives.

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Pitch was slightly shocked, realizing that this man could see him. did he believe? or perhaps this man wasn't entirely mortal. "so what do you do for fun, hotcock?" he grinned. Jeff blushed on his pale white face "I- I like to kill people! with my knife!" Pitch smiled "that's great! so you like to scare people too? that's like, my entire thing." the two were enraptured by each other. pitch lacked eyebrows, Jeff lacked eyelids, truly a match made in heaven! Pitch grabbed Jeff's hand and took him to see his boogey sand horses, the slendermansion can wait one day! Jeff and Pitch had an extremely romantic evening, slaughtering many people in the process. Unfortunately the evening was cut off when Jack Frost of all people showed up, the nerve! but, for some bizarre reason, Jack was interested in Jeff!!! Pitch and Jack began to duel it out for Jeff and only in the aftermath did Jack realize that his one true love was clearly that Australian furry! Pitch proceeded to propose to Jeff in a grand gesture of true love. They decided to leave this shitty old town and move to somewhere more private, and romantic.

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"This hole in the ground under a bed in the forest is SUPER cool, Pitch!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Thank you, it's my private lair where I hold people who are nice to children captive. I fucking hate children, as we've talked about before."

Pitch gave Jeff the grand tour of his grand abode, sand horse stables and all.

"Jeff, I'm so glad to have met you," Pitch said. "With our combined forces, we can make the world shitty and terrifying for everyone! I can't take it anymore, there's no time for planning let's get eloped."

Jeff could feel himself swooning. So hard. He nearly fell over, but Pitch catched him just in time. Sand moved all around them, shaping into a gorgeously edgy wedding ceremony area. Jeff and Pitch stood in front of the arch with the nightmare horse (who was ordained, as it turned out) as priest. Many sand creatures were in the pews, crying at how beautiful the wedding ceremony was.

"Do you, Pitch Black, take this weird bloody dude as your husband?" Nightmare neighed.

"I do, and don't call him weird ever again."

"And do you, Jeff T. Killer, take my dad/boss/creator as your husband?"

"I do!"

"I now pronounce you husband and husband."

And they lived scarily ever after.