Multi-fandom Oneshots

We are Not Moving Right Along, the Car Broke Down :/

Kermit was depressed. His car broke down, he had just gotten fired from his job, and worst of all, his beautiful wife Miss Piggy left him. He thought this day would never happen, but Miss Piggy said she had to "focus on herself", whatever that meant. Whatever, Kermit was sad, and he was allowed to be sad, because he was a frog made out of felt whose car had broken down. His insurance wasn't going to cover this, was it?He took his phone out from below the puppet stage (decorated as a highway) and dialed the number for a tow truck. Afterwards, he waited, for what felt like a very, very long time. Until a bright pink motorcycle drove by, kicking up road dust in his face and making him cough."Hey! Hey, what the fuck?!" Kermit cried out to the motorcyclist. He didn't think he would get a reply, shouting out into the void, but the all too loud revving of the engine came back his way.The cyclist was a blonde woman, tall and regal, and Kermit gasped. It was the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom!

"Oh uh..." Kermit cleared his throat, "Princess peach, right? maybe be a bit more careful next time you drive that motorcycle of yours." he said, sternly. "Well maybe you should watch where you stand, shortie." Peach replied. "damn, i didn't know princesses were this rude..." kermit thought to himself. But it turns out he was thinking out loud, because all of a sudden he heard an "excuse me?" from the woman standing in front of him. "Oh... oh boy, did i say that out loud? i didn't mean--" Kermit was cut off when suddenly he felt his body being slammed into the wall. "Ow!" kermit yelped. He looked up and saw the princess staring at him, but not with anger. It was something darker, something like... lust? Now kermit was confused. But also strangely turned on?

Kermit was also a bit confused as to where this wall came from, because they're kind of in the middle of nowhere. On the highway. He decided to dismiss those thoughts though, and focus on the beautiful princess in front of them. Miss Piggy was done with him, could it really hurt to blow off a bit of steam?Kermit cleared his throat. "So um..." He started, "If you're so offended; what are you gonna do about it? You gonna punish me?"Princess Peach nearly growls and pins his felt froggy arms to the wall, but just as they're about to bridge the gap and kiss, Chris Pratt drives into the wall in an eight-wheeler transport truck. When Chris gets out, the truck explodes in epic fashion behind him as he walks towards them. "That's right, its-a me bitch, Mario."Kermit almost laughs, "Well you don't SOUND like Mario. So why should Peach be yours?!"Chris Pratt's face goes red with RAGE! He winds up his fist cartoonishly, "Why I oughta-" Only, before he can swing HE'S INTERUPTED by ANOTHER CRASH. Bowser crashes a SIXTEEN-WHEELER transport truck into the firey wreck that is Chris' truck.Bowser stomps out of the truck, and when it doesn't explode behind him epicly, he turns and hurls a fireball at it to make it so."I'm here for my bride!" Bowser states. Oh brother, Kermit thinks, maybe this isn't worth all the trouble. I guess nothing ever really works out for a frog like him."Chris! You're coming with me back to my castle babe."Well that was unexpected."Bowser... could you really love someone like me?"The fight in Chris has been drained, and the two were now distracted from Peach and Kermit."What the fuck just happened?" Peach asked him, the sexual tension all but gone now."Honestly I have no idea. My tow truck still isn't even here.""I can give you a lift back to the city if you want." Peach offers, flirty tone returned to her voice."Only if I can take you out to dinner when we get there."Kermit says in a sultry tone."Lets just skip dinner and head straight to my palace." She winks.As they ride off into the sunset, Bowser and Chris Pratt are left to fuck passionately in the backseat of Kermit's abandoned car.The audience claps, (remember this was all on a puppet stage? me neither) and the show gets a quabublebillion stars. Lin Manuel Miranda writes a musical version of it. The End.