Multi-fandom Oneshots

What Really Happens When the Pie Contes is Over

Greg Heffley was feeling ecstatic! He had just won the pie eating contest, even though Rodrick said he wouldn't be able to. Rodrick said he just wasn't the throat goat, but he WAS! This feeling was unparalleled, sure it felt like he was about to be sick, but he was walking on the moon. He was so deeply distracted that he didn't even notice that Fregley (the little freak) had entered a pie induced coma, which resulted in death. Oh well, that's the price to pay. After all, if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. He wasn't really taking much interest in the situation, until he noticed the strange man who had arrived to take Fregley's frigid corpse to the morgue. Well, well, well. It had been hard getting over Rowley, after Rowley had so callously informed him that he was not in fact gay, so this gorgeous (in a non-conventional way) man was a welcome distraction.Greg sauntered over to the van where the man was standing, although he had to sneak past the man's colleague who was busy consoling Fregley's grieving parents. He snuck up behind and tapped him on the shoulder flirtily."Hey, did you know I just won the pie eating contest? There's a couple other things around here I might like to slurp down."The man, whose name Greg still didn't know, looked him up and down."Judging by the pie filling all over you, yeah, I could tell." He smirked. "The names Ricky, Ricky Rat Catcher."Greg pondered it for a moment."Interesting name, is that your side hustle?""Nope. Its a metaphor.""That's hot as fuck, AND insightful. I'm Greg Heffley.""Oh really? That's a wild coincidence. I just joined Rodrick's band the loded diper. So you're the Greg I've heard so much about..."

Oh brother. Literally, did Rodrick tell this guy about all of his most miserable, embarrassing moments? Knowing ol' Roddy, probably."Oh, cool, what do you play?" As far as he knew, the Loded Diper was already full. Did one of their members leave?"The flute," Rickey said, which Greg wasn't expecting at all. "And the piccolo, and bagpipes, and the marimba, and the violin, and the harmonica, and the drums, and the keyboard, and the theremin, but mostly, I've just been getting my grind on with the drums. Yeah, Jesse (Pinkman) got arrested for having meth, so I'm filling in for now."Wow, handsome, AND multitalented?! What couldn't he do?!!!!!! Greg was honestly a little intimidated. He may be a pie eating world champion now, but Rickey was out of his league. How did he have the time to pick up dead bodies and play so many instruments?"That's so impressive," Greg said while trying to twirl his short hair. It was already stained with pie juice, but he only smeared it around more. "Can I ask... what does the metaphor mean? Or is it like, a secret, because you're so smart..."

"that's a secret I only tell my closest companions, sorry." Rickey replied. At this point greg was wondering if rickey could see the twinkle in his eye, because he was so amazed at how someone could be this charming and mysterious. "well... maybe I could become one of your close companions...?" greg asked, with hope. "Hmm..." rickey thought. "that... might be possible." Rickey told him, with a smirk on his face. It felt like fireworks had started exploding inside him, because greg was beaming with excitement. maybe this was the start of a new chapter in his life, maybe this was exactly what he needed to get over rowley.Rickey then offered to go back to his place, to which greg immediately agreed. Rickey's apartment wasn't at all what he thought it was going to look like. it was clean and decorated very nicely. Suddenly, a worm like cat came out of another room and greg yelped. "AH! what is that?!" greg said, a bit scared, but also a bit amused, as it started rubbing itself on greg's leg. "ah, that's my ferret, kitty. She seems to have taken a liking to you!" rickey responded. "oh... haha... she's really cute, actually" Greg said, less scared than before now that he knew what she was. "you wanna watch a movie? I'm assuming you're not hungry from all the pie you ate earlier." Rickey said. "oh, yeah aboslutely not. a movie sounds great!" greg replied, happily. they kiss on the couch after the movie lol sorry