The shoe exchange

Bri

I was up all night, I couldn't fall asleep because of so many reasons. My past, Alexander's admission that he wants to kiss me and that he thinks about me, college, my jobs, mostly Charles though. He had tossed and turned and groaned all through the night. I would get up quietly and check on him. He never woke up but I could tell he was in pain.

So was I.

I wasn't hurt physically, not this time. But my heart was broken for this man. A man I hardly knew anything about but I knew he didn't deserve to be treated the way he had gotten treated. He deserves so much more, and I wish with my whole heart that I could give it to him. I sit up on the couch and throw the covers off of me. As I wipe the non existent sleep from my eyes, there's a knock at the door.

I already know it's Jacob.

I get up and open the door, "hey Ja- Alex?" I see Alexander leaning against the wall. I look around and see the other two aren't with him.

"It's just me, Gabriella. They're running a little late this morning." I nod my head at him. I glance down at his hands. He's holding a bag and some coffees. "I didn't figure you've eaten yet." He shrugs and glances around me looking inside the apartment.

I was not expecting to see Alexander today. But, I'm not complaining. I don't know if our conversation has planted seeds in my mind or what but I can't help but check him out today. It's early and he looks absolutely wonderful, in black slacks and a maroon button down, sleeves rolled to his elbow.

And the shoes. It hits me like a blast of cold air. I want to like Alexander, I mean I do like him but I don't know if it would ever work between us. Not saying I have a chance anyway, plus he hasn't been the most welcoming person when it comes to me.

I want a man to want me, not just sexually but to want to see me, to make me smile and laugh. To help me through the hard days and hold me at night when my past haunts me the most. I want him to think that I'm enough, to know I'm worth something. That once he has me, he never wants to let me go.

I just want to be valued and for someone to stay.

I don't feel like I'm worth much but it would be nice to have someone in my life who thinks I'm priceless.

"Are you going to make me stand out here all day?" He questions with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

I shake my head, " no, come in. I was just expecting you to be Jacob."

"Sorry to disappoint." He walks by me and I touch his arm. He looks down at my hand and then at me, steely gray eyes locked on my blue ones.

"I'm glad you're here, Alexander. I didn't mean anything by that." I let go of his arm and smile at him. "Come on, let's set that down." I brush past him and walk into the living room.

"I wasn't sure what you or Charles liked so I just got a bit of everything and some black coffees. Sugars and creamers are in the bag. Where is he?" He asks as he pulls out muffins and bagels from the bag.

"He's still asleep, he didn't sleep well at all last night." I open a few packets of sugar and creamer and pour them into my coffee. After stirring it, I take a good long sip. "Mmm" I cant help but moan. That's some good coffee. Not like the cheap stuff I buy. "Thank you, Alexander. This is so good."

Alex is just staring at me and when I smile at him, he shakes his head and clears his throat. "Oh uh yeah, no problem. I'm glad you like it. Did you get any sleep last night?"

I shake my head, "no I haven't been to sleep yet."

"I want to be mad about that, but I can't. I didn't get any either. You should lay down and get some sleep once Jacob gets here."