Silent

Chapter 3

Loren's POV

"Loren! Dinner's ready!" Mr. Curtis called out. 

I sighed and got out of bed. I didn't feel right. My stomach was in knots and nothing seemed real. I went into the kitchen and everyone was already sitting down waiting for me. I felt so out of place. 

Everyone was acting so awkward and I couldn't help but think it was my fault. Hell, it was my fault. All of this is. Maybe if I had known sooner, I could have done something. If I wasn't so young then I could be more mature about this. If I could have talked with my dad before all this happened he would be here with me. Comforting me. 

Thousands of things went through my head about how I could have fixed this. I hated myself even more every time I thought of a new reason. 

Every little thing I've done wrong led up to this. I feel like I'm being punished. 

Even a small part of me was still naive. She was still alive. Dad was still normal. All of this is just one big nightmare. 

"Loren!" Someone shouted. It was Sodapop. 

I looked up and I realized everybody was already done eating and I haven't even started. "Darry, can you clean the dishes?" Mrs. Curtis asked. "Keep Loren's out. She might want it when we come back." She said grabbing keys. 

"Where are we going?" I asked. 

"We're gonna go for a drive." She said. 

We walked out to the car and we just drove. In silence. I looked at the clock and almost 20 minutes passed by without saying anything. 

"What are we doing?" I asked after I couldn't take it anymore. 

"I just want you to relax." She said keeping her eyes on the road. "Sometimes you just need silence. And a house with four boys isn't exactly where to get that." She chuckled. "I want you to know, it's ok to grieve. It's ok to feel sad. We all are. She was my best friend. And your dad will come around. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he will. I promise. And that ring your mom gave you, she yelled at the doctors to leave that hospital so she could buy that for you. It was a lot of money and she wanted me to tell you how much you mean to her. You were, and still are, her prized possession. Her joy. She would have done anything for you." 

I felt hot tears streaming down my face. "I miss her..." I mumbled. 

"That's ok. You're gonna miss her. You're gonna miss her for the rest of your life. But slowly, you'll start to feel better. You'll remember the little things. Your mom always got me a vanilla candle for my birthday. It started when we were 16. She gave me one because I said it smelled nice. She got me one every year. So I'll always think of her when I see vanilla candles." 

I sighed. "She always said she loved when your house smelled like vanilla candles." I said with a laugh. 

"See! You'll see things that remind you of her that you've never noticed before." 

We both let out a small laugh. We drove in silence for a few more minutes and we passed our house. "Wait! Stop!" I said looking out the window. 

I cranked the handle and rolled down the window. "FUCK EVERYTHING! I FUCKING HATE IT HERE!" Dad yelled. 

"Honey, I don't think you wanna see this-" Mrs. Curtis said. 

"No! Look! He's throwing away all of moms things!" Mrs. Curtis looked closer and she pulled into the side road so he couldn't see us. 

He just kept coming out and throwing everything away. I sat and cried as they all went into the trash can. I wanted to go out and get them but I knew better. I would never purposely approach him when he's like this. 

"I FUCKING HATE IT HERE!" He yelled. 

Dad grabbed the bottle off the ground and took a sip of it. He got in his car and slammed it shut. He sped down the road and he was out of sight withing seconds. "He threw all her stuff away!" I yelled. 

I opened the car door and ran down to the house. I knocked over the trash can and opened the lid. He really threw away everything he could. Mrs. Curtis drove up next to me and got out. 

"Honey, we should get going." She said motioning for me to get back in the car. 

"Can I take some of this stuff? Please! I can't let him get rid of it all." 

"Of course, sweetie. But let's hurry just in case he comes back." 

We put a few of the things he threw away into the back of the trunk but Mrs. Curtis insisted on going home because she didn't want him to come back and see us. I'm his daughter... I can't believe I'm hiding from him. 

We drove back home and I did feel a bit better. Mrs. Curtis re-heated my mac and cheese and I ate some of it. I couldn't gather the strength to eat all of it. But I was ready for bed. 

I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was almost midnight. I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep. I don't know what happened next but next thing I knew it was morning. I looked at the clock on the nighstand and it read 9:26. Odd. I never slept in this much. 

I yawned and I almost forgot about the awful day I had yesterday. 

Almost. 

I got out of bed and went into the living room. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Everyone shouted. 

Dang... I forgot it was my birthday. Every kid should be excited about their birthday. This will be the first one without mom. And probably without dad. I managed to give them all a weak smile. 

"I bought a cake for dessert later. We can go out to eat tonight if you want, too. Do you want breakfast?" Mrs. Curtis asked coming up to me. 

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry." I said. It was the truth. I really wasn't hungry. 

"What about ice cream for breakfast?!" Sodapop yelled from behind the couch. 

"Yeah!" Darry and Ponyboy yelled back. 

Mrs. Curtis rolled her eyes playfully. "Only if Loren says yes." She said winking at me. 

I looked behind Mrs. Curtis and Darry, Soda, and Pony were all looking at me with pleading eyes. "I mean, I guess..." I said awkwardly. 

The boys all ran into the kitchen yelling and went through the fridge. "I want the chocolate one!" Sodapop yelled. 

"Move! You're in my way!" Ponyboy yelled shoving. 

"I get first pick! I'm oldest." Darry yelled grabbing the chocolate.

"NOT FAIR!" Ponyboy and Soda yelled. "MOM!" 

Mrs. Curtis laughed. "We're gonna have a fun day, today. Trust me." 

I gave her a grin. I didn't believe it. Actually, all I could think about was how it wasn't gonna be a fun day. Something is gonna go really bad. I just know it.