Silent

Chapter 9

Loren's POV

Hannah went inside and she talked to Darry. I didn't care to listen to the conversation. I was planning my future in my head. With dad getting out of jail within the year, this just got a whole lot more complicated.

I was sitting on the porch just zoning out and Hannah came outside. "Alright. He agreed to let you stay here. I'll be back in two to three months to check up on you all. I'm sorry for your loss. Stay safe." She said walking down to the gate.

I didn't have enough energy to give her a response. I sat out there for a while and it started to get a little chilly so I went inside.

"So, Loren..." Ponyboy started. "Are you gonna go back to your dad and live with him in August?" He asked.

I knew exactly what he was getting at. I couldn't help but lash out. "Whatever, Ponyboy. I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible." I said with an eye roll.

"That's not what he meant." Sodapop started. "We're all curious."

They all looked at me like they genuinely wanted to know. If I was being honest, I didn't really know before they asked. But in that second, it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I know they don't want me to stay with them, my aunts in rehab (again), so it's either foster home or dad.

"Why would I ever go back and live with my dad?" I asked.

"What do you mean? He's your dad-" Darry started.

I cut him off. "Yeah, and he's dead to me. Before he went to jail, he was nuts. He hurt me physically and mentally. I had cigarette burns all over me because he was always drunk. I hate him for what he did to me. And to top it all of, he didn't ONCE bother to reach out. Send a letter. Ask me to come visit. He didn't care, and he still doesn't. So if he doesn't care, I don't care. I'd take a foster home any day over him."

I stormed off to my room and it kinda felt good to let it all out. I thought that maybe if I said it I would believe it. But I didn't. It hurt me more than anything he never bothered to reach out. He was watching his wife die. I didn't blame him for drinking, if I'm being honest. And he was wasted all the time. He didn't know he was hurting it. Hell, I'd be surprised if he even remembered it.

Drinking runs in the family. I've never met my great-grandpa but from what I've heard he's always been a heavy drinker. And I've never met my grandpa either, but I've heard the stories. He's a drunkie. And dad and Aunt Jenna both are drinkers. Aunt Jenna's been in and out of rehab for years. I remember mom and dad talking about how we couldn't keep paying for it and that she was a lost cause. I didn't know what they meant by that until years later. The only thing that worried me was that I would become an alcoholic cause I know it runs in my family and it's hard to avoid when your entire life is based around people's decisions while drunk.

But at this point... drinking away all my feelings doesn't sound too bad. Never had a sip but I don't have anyone left to torment with my dumb choices.

Everyone who cared about me is gone.

A part of me still didn't want to, though. Maybe my life could be more than my dads and Aunt Jenna's.

July 20, 1965

Things slowly started to become different around the Curtis' house. Sodapop dropped outta school and started working full time at the DX. He hated school anyway. Ponyboy and Darry haven't really been getting along . After the funeral, that's when things really started to go downhill. It was a hard day. Darry also unenrolled in college. He was supposed to be starting in September but he works two jobs now. I tried to convince Darry to let me drop out and work to help but he wouldn't agree. I don't know why, though. I'm not a baby. I should be able to make my own decisions. Maybe it's cause he hates that Soda dropped out. Not sure though.

But I got a summer job at an adoption shelter for pets and Sodapop said he would pick me up today. Sodapop has been my best friend my entire life. But recently, we've been growing apart and I hate it. He only tolerates me now. Just like the rest of his family does.

"Hey." I said getting in the car and throwing my bag to the back.

He didn't say anything. I decided to leave it at that. He doesn't wanna talk to me, I won't force him too. Even though I really wanted to.

Yeah... I changed my mind. "Sodapop, what happened to us?" I asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?" He asked not moving the slightest.

But he was never the best driver so I guess it was fine he didn't look away from the road. "I dunno. I mean, we used to be such good friends. Now we barely ever talk."

"Well, things have been different." He said.

"Y'know, I lost my parents too. I never cut connections from you." I said out of anger.

"Oh shut up!" He yelled. "You were a kid! Things are different now! You're acting like a bitch!" He yelled.

My mouth dropped. He did not just call me a bitch!

Y'know what? Fuck him. He doesn't wanna be friends, he doesn't wanna be friends. Hell, he doesn't even have to talk to me. Ever.

We got to the house and I grabbed my bag and I never got out of that car so fast.

"Loren, I'm sorry." He said standing up and looking over the car.

I turned around. "Fuck you. I hate you." I said flipping him off.

"Don't you think you're being dramatic!?" He yelled. I ignored him and walked up to the door. "Fine! I hate you too, then!" He yelled back.

He slammed the car door while I slammed the front door. Screw him.

"What's going on?" Darry asked.

"Why don't you ask your asshole of a brother." I said going straight to my room.