Outrun The World

Chapter 11

He Tian kept working on his sculpture. When he's in the zone, he would work for hours without care for anything else. He has found inspiration and it's pulling him back to the plane of creativity. For several months he'd only done sculptures for work, projects that his agent received from their gallery's regulars. Mostly avant-garde interior decorations for eccentric people all over Asia.

But now he's starting to create something for himself again and it's all because of his little muse. He'd missed this feeling, being high with creativity that he could almost curse his limbs, his fingers and his whole body for being limited. Without fatigue, if his body could only keep up with his brain, he would have finished his work the way he wanted to, whenever he wanted to.

This sculpture will be his gift to Mo Guan Shan, to remind him that this is how he sees him. Flawless and worthy of all his attention, that he worshiped him and his whole being.

That he can no longer see his own future without the red-haired boy by his side, and he would readily choose death over losing him and surviving each coming night all alone and slowly going crazy.

Smiling to himself and at his cheesy thoughts, he cracked his stiff neck while staring at the closed door. And then he remembered that Mo Guan Shan was supposed to return with a warm drink, most probably some tsokolate that he seemed to be addicted to. He even warned the guy to slow down with it because folks said that too much consumption can make you drunk.

Maybe he went back to sleep, he thought. Another round of deafening thunderclaps resonated inside the room, like a nearby explosion, that he could feel the ground vibrate. He decided to wrap it up for the night and comfort his Little Mo, and maybe they'd finally do it properly. Without any interruption.

He quietly headed to the kitchen to have a drink of water before going to bed.

But when he returned to his room Mo Guan Shan was not there. Not in the bathroom, not inside the toilet and he's not anywhere else inside the house.

He Tian looked around in a state of panic, running his fingers through his hair.

"Mo Guan Shan! Stop hiding or else I'm going to drink all your tsokolate!" he called but his voice quivered. He can feel it. He's gone. He's all alone in the house and it's pouring like hell outside.

He growled in anger and pulled open the door. Howling wind and fierce raindrops blew on his face as he tried to squint into the darkness.

"Fuck it!" he spat and went back inside to get his flashlight from a drawer in the living room. "Fuck it. Don't fucking play with me."

He realized he's clenching his teeth so much that he slammed his forehead on the door frame. That seemed to clear his panic-stricken mind a bit and he bolted out into the storm.

"Little Mo!" he called but the rain drowned out his voice. There's only one place Mo Guan Shan would surely go but with the rain that hits your face felt like toy gun pellets along with the howling wind, he worried that he might lose his way and wander into a cliff somewhere.

He promised Mo Guan Shan's mother that he's going to take extra good care of her son until they see each other again and now he fucked up. Something must have happened. He might have done something to upset him without meaning to.

He remembered the look of Mo Guan Shan's face upon seeing the sculpture and the way he immediately turned his back on him, pretending to get something to drink.

Was that a sign? How could he fucking know?!

"Please. . . be safe. I'm almost there."

***

He closed the front door behind him and ran as fast as he could. The heart on his chest has been thumping so hard in anger and frustration, because he's supposed to have no reason to be that angry at He Tian but he can't convince himself to stop and calm down.

It's just that things are happening all over again. Just like She Li, He Tian's creating something out of his naked body and it's going to ruin him in the future. He's sure of it. It's going to come out sooner or later and people will recognize him and they will laugh at how he still hasn't learned his lesson.

Why can't they just take a look at him and burn his image into their memory if they like it so much and stop making things more complicated for him? It's his face. All the shame will be his alone and these men will come out of the fray unscathed, because they're faceless in all of it.

Mo Guan Shan can't see anything beyond him, not even his feet, but he navigated through the downpour by sheer determination to get away from He Tian and escape from all of these. He's so sick of trying to have faith and getting disappointed all the time.

He just wanted to disappear and never to be found alive. Enough with all the bullshit. Enough with playing house with a stranger who's only looking at him just like all those perverts who until now, visits his wanton alter-ego caged inside their fucking phones, always available. Always spreading his legs to a faceless boy holding the camera.

He Tian is too good to be true.

A guy who's good to him and acts like he understands him, who gives him sweet promises and shows him a possible future to look up to, he's just not meant for him. This kind of person doesn't exist, even in his wildest dreams. He's too much of a scum to deserve genuine love and acceptance.

He should have known. He should have! He should have kept on reminding himself of his place.

Mo Guan Shan's teeth have been chattering because of the cold but he still can't find his nipa hut and he seemed to be looking at nothing but emptiness. Lightning struck and for a second, he noticed that the path leading to his house wasn't there anymore. He might have walked astray and wandered further away from the dirt path. Another wave of thunder broke and he covered his ears as he crouched on the ground.

What would it take to summon a lightning bolt to hit him and kill him right then and there?