MCYT Oneshots ✨

Numb {dreamnoblade}

Dream sat down at the desk in the darkly lit room. The room was dusty as it had not been cleaned since Techno's passing. He gently picked up a pencil and took a deep breath.

Dear my beloved,

Everyday seems to be longer without you by my side. They said that the pain will eventually fade with time but I found that to be false. With more time, I simply become numb. I don't even know what day it is anymore. All our friends and family are worried for me but I assured them that I would be fine. Like they said, all I need is some time. When I was at my worst, you were there for me. You noticed my pain and you refused to give up on me. You saved me when even my best friends couldn't. If you looked at me now, would you be proud? You promised that you would never leave me but I seem to find myself alone again. I stay in bed for much longer than I would want but I can't ever seem to get off of my mattress. Sleep isn't just sleep anymore, it's an escape from reality. If I am just able to take myself out from this reality and create a world where things are still perfect, I could be happy again. Were things ever perfect? I can't go anywhere in the house without all the memories that follow and yet, I can't leave this house. This is all I have left of you. They say that you'll always be in my heart but it doesn't feel like it. I feel abandoned, left behind on this Earth with only the memories.

I try not to be sad, but it just hurts so much. Now that I think about it, we both broke promises. I promised to not cry but I just can't seem to stop the tears. I feel like nothing can bring you back. The memories we created now bring pain rather than joy. In the movies, they never really tell you how much it hurts. I know I have to be strong but it's just so fucking hard. I just really really miss you. Everyday feels like hell. I sleep in your t-shirt now and I swear it still smells like you. Can you see me? I can't help but feel all alone. I hope you know how much I love you.

Without you, I may have never truly understood what it felt like to enjoy life. Through the highs and the lows, we had stuck together. But without you here, I feel as though I have lost myself. When did I become so cold, so distant, numb? How did I lose myself? I can see myself falling apart but there's nothing I can do. It's like watching a movie but I was the one who directed it. I feel so paralyzed, like I have no real feelings. I know that I should let you go but I just can't. I know that I shouldn't take my frustrations out on others but I still do.

Do you miss me? I feel as if it may be time for me to join you. Would anyone care? Would anyone cry? It seems everyone is tired of me. I don't see why I'm still living. I'm so ashamed of these thoughts that I hold back. I just can't take these thoughts in my brain. The monsters and demons that attack every damn day. No one cares about the pain I feel, it's like they've all moved on. No one mentions your name anymore, the memories of you are erased. I know it's been over half a year but it still feels like yesterday. They've said that I'm doing this for attention, that I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I am. I'm tired of everyone's pity. They act like they understand but they won't truly understand. I'm so sick of feeling like shit everyday. Why won't you just let me let go? Why do I have to keep remembering these memories that bring me more pain? Yet it's those memories that also make me smile. I pray to god to take this pain away but I only get silence in response. I can only carry so much weight. I'm not the strong independent person you always wanted me to be and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry for all the little fights I've caused. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough.

Maybe if I was strong enough I could have protected you. I just want to hear your voice again. To feel your touch and embrace. To laugh with you and create more memories. I want nothing more than to be with you again.

I love you Technoblade, before, now, and forever.