To Be

Chapter Forty-Nine

Since Adrian's funeral, I have not dared to step a foot into this field of lonely tombstones, but now---here I am--- being a daredevil. First Walmart and now here. What's next?

I reach Adrian's grave and fall onto my hands and knees, the tears I've been trying to hold back flowing over like a bucket of water that's too full.

Everyone wants me to be alright. To be strong. To move on. But I can't. I'm not ok. I'm not ok at all.

Without Adrian, I am a wandering sheep lost from its flock. My life already sealed to the fate of a hungry wolf.

I am a goner.

We were supposed to have our whole future together but now we have nothing.

With a sniffle, I pull the bouquet of roses out of my knapsack, crying harder when I see that they're all crumpled and through blurry eyes, I place the ruined bouquet onto his grave.

I remain like this, the sky turning dark. I don't budge. The stars come out. Still, I don't budge.

I'm sure by now that Mom is frantic texting and calling me over and over again. She won't reach me though since my phone is lying on my bed at home. Tonight, I didn't want to be disturbed, but of course, Levi Cruze had to go and leave me swept up in a tornado, twisted.

My eyes are squeezed shut in an attempt to erase him from my mind. It's no use. 'Maybe I chose you, cause I thought you'll be a good friend for me,' has been inked onto my skin. A tattoo that can never be removed.

I try to picture Adrian crouched here right beside me. An arm wrapped around my shoulder, holding me close to his side. Not letting go.

Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go- Not letting go...

But he did let go, leaving me all alone.

Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone- Alone...

My eyes are now wide open with more tears raining down my cheeks--- dripping off my chin into the dirt--- being buried with Adrian.

I am all alone.

The sound of grass being disturbed by the footfall of large feet brings me back to reality. Brings me back to the fact that I am all by myself in a graveyard late at night.

Pulse racing, I jump up onto my feet--- ready to fight back. I expect to be face to face with some creepy old man who was hoping to get something out of a young lady like me, or a crazy serial killer, or a ghost... Whom I face is much worse...

"Shelby?" he says hesitantly.

I stare back at Levi angry. Angrier than I have ever been. "I told you to leave me the hell alone."

"I'm sorry Shelby, but I-I can't..."

"What do you mean you can't?" I hiss, a viper ready to strike.

He's standing directly in front of me, so close that I can hear his labored breathing. Was he running to keep up with me? How could have I been so oblivious to the fact that I was being followed?