To Be

Chapter Eight

The door squeaks on its hinges as I push it open and enter the small foyer.

"Grandma, I'm here," I call out, making my way toward the kitchen.

"Sweetie." She smiles brightly, the side of her eyes crinkling. "You're just in time."

I glance at the cow-shaped wall clock behind her. "Actually, I'm running a bit late."

She checks the clock. "Oh wow, you're right. I didn't realize how late it got. I must go shower. Are you ok on your own?"

"Yeah, just fine." I give her one of my sweetest smiles.

"Ok, good."

She doesn't leave though, her slippered foot tapping against the black and white tiles.

I laugh. "Come on Grandma, I got this. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm fourteen now. Strong and capable. Go and shower."

Finally, she shuffles out of the room, her slippers squeaking as she makes her way up the wooden stairs.

With her gone, I get to work, taking all the ingredients out of the pantry, and beginning the recipe.

15 minutes in, I realize that I forgot to turn on the oven and melt the chocolate chips. Ahh stupid, stupid, stupid me. Always so forgetful.

The oven now on 450 Fahrenheit and the stove at a high flame, I pour the chocolate chips into a pot and place it above the flame, before getting back to the recipe.

Once everything is done, I put the 2 cookie sheets into the oven, a smile of satisfaction creeping onto my face.

I have 20 minutes until the cookies are ready. Time to go outside and get some fresh air. This kitchen is way too stuffy.

Up and down, up and down I go on the seesaw, which I somehow managed to squeeze my body on. I watch people walk by all dressed up in their costumes. The spirit of Halloween is definitely in the air. Fairies, werewolves, witches, and goblins... One of my favorite holidays has finally arrived. I close my eyes savoring the moment, the October breeze slapping me in the face.

And that's when an alarm rings and I'm hit with a blast of heat, something quite surprising in this cool autumn weather. With a thud, the seesaw hits the ground and I tilt my head back toward the source of the heat. Grandma's house is on fire!

I tumble to the ground shocked, numbed, the flames blinding me. Lights flashing, lights flashing, lights flashing...

***

I wake up to a light flashing in my eyes. So, so, so bright.

"Oh my god Shelby, I've been searching everywhere for you," Josh says, lowering his flashlight.

I say nothing as I tap Adrian on the shoulder, causing him to wake up. "What? What time is it?" He rubs at his tired eyes.

All I do is point at Josh.

"Oh, didn't see you there." Adrian blushes as he scoots away from me, giving us some distance. If he's trying to make Josh believe that we weren't intertwined as 1 as we slept it's useless. I'm sure Josh saw everything, which makes my blood boil.

"Why were you searching for me?" I finally ask Josh, my vision spotted with red every time I look at him.

"Isn't it obvious," he sharply replies adding to my anger. "You didn't come home after the dance. Mom and Dad are panicking. How could you do this to them? If you were planning on staying out the whole night at least text them..."

"I didn't mean to fall asleep!" I yell, my hands balling into fists. "Now why don't you go back home and tell Mom and Dad that you found me?"

"Sleeping with a boy in an abandoned park. Sure I'll let them know." A smug smirk makes its way onto his face and if I could hear his thoughts I'm sure they're cheering 'win, win for us'.

And that's the last straw that breaks this poor camel's back. I finally snap.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE JOSH, OR I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU FOR ALL THE PAIN YOU'VE EVER CAUSED ME." Fiery hot tears sting at my eyes. I don't blink them away, I let them flow as I take in the shocked expression now glued to his face.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULDN'T SNAP AFTER SAYING SUCH A THING TO ME? DID YOU NOT THINK IT WOULD REMIND ME OF YOU TELLING THEM EVERYTHING? ALL YOU DO IS TELL ON ME. IT'S LIKE ALL MY ACTIONS AREN'T EVEN MY OWN ANYMORE SINCE YOU SEEM TO ALWAYS FIND OUT ABOUT THEM AND SHARE THEM WITH MOM AND DAD. SO JUST GO--- NOW!" I finish, taking in a deep breath to calm my nerves. I can feel my face red hot from all the screaming.

His deep blue eyes meet mine, an action that surprises me since it's a bold move after everything I've said to him. "Ok, if that's what you want, I'll go. But please come home soon." And then he's gone, leaving me as the speechless one.

"Shelby." A warm hand touches mine causing me to jump. My frightened eyes land on Adrian who's been so quiet throughout my entire outrage at Josh, that I totally forgot he was here. "You ok?" He looks back at me with so much concern, my heart breaks.

"No, no, no." I cover my eyes, mortified, and then release a groan. "I can't believe you witnessed that. You must think now that I'm a monster and you're right, I am."

His hands are pulling mine away from my eyes so I'll have to look at him as he speaks. "Hey, it's alright. Josh was being a bit of a brat and there's nothing wrong with screaming at someone who's not being too nice..."

I sniff. "Who said that's what I was referring to?" I now look away, forcing my eyes to stare at the bright yellow slide instead. "I'm a monster because I- I was the one who caused the fire that killed my grandmother. Because of me, she's de-e-a-a-d-d." I choke.

"But you didn't do it on purpose. The fireman said that it was caused by the oven and stove being on too high and that a towel near the flame caught on fire after sparks were released."

I now look at Adrian, tears streaming down my face. "Yeah, but I was the one who turned on the oven and stove and who was foolish enough to go outside while they were still on."

He takes my hands in his and pulls me close to him, my head up against his chest. "That doesn't mean it's your fault that she's dead," he whispers. "It was all an accident."

I don't have the strength to argue with him and I'm afraid that if I do continue arguing with him he'll realize just how crazy I am. So all I end up saying is, "If you say so."

And what he replies is, "I do." Then he's pulling away from me, his large hands pushing my hair away from my face and his eyes, oh his magnificent eyes gazing into mine. "Now why don't I walk you home?"

I give him a soft smile while I wipe at my tear-streaked face. "Ok, lead the way."

Taking my hand in his he guides me back home to the place that is supposed to be my safety net but at the moment is really my prison.