Death could be so unpredictable, am I right? You see I never really pictured how I'll die. My life was okay, or as okay as okay could be for me. Haunted from my past. Always pretending. Except with Adrian. My Adrian. With him I can be happy.
But t...
I don't know how long I've been suspended in time. Floating on a thread. An infinite amount of threads--- infinity.
Numbers. I've always had a fascination with numbers. But now I have seemed to have lost the will to count since I have lost track of the amount of time I have been stuck in this limbo.
Floating, floating, floating.
Poof.
***
Levi comes to visit me today right after my parents leave. I can sense him hovering near my bedside. Hear his heavy breathing. The shuffling of his feet. The ruffling of his clothes.
And then finally I can hear his voice, "Shelby?" He sounds unsure. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I really hope that you can, because I have so much to say to you. So much to apologize for."
Silence. Silence now greets me. And I begin to fear that I am all alone.
Levi, are you there?
At last, he continues, "I'm sorry for reading your file and for following you around. I'm sorry for not listening to you when you asked me to leave you alone. If- if..." He gulps. "If I didn't follow you that night to the cemetery then my motorcycle wouldn't have been parked there and then... and then..." he trails off, a mournful sob following.
No, no, no Levi don't blame yourself for this! Yes, you drove me crazy. Yes, I wanted to get away from you. But it was my choice to drive the motorcycle. And it was my choice to push you off. And who would've predicted that the breaks wouldn't work? The whole situation seemed to be out of our control.
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"I'm so, so sorry Shelby. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been following you. But these emotions, these emotions are so hard to control. As much as I tried to keep myself away from you, I couldn't. I-I that night, I had to see if you felt the same..." He pauses and all I could hear is flick-flick-flick... Is he playing with his lighter? "But you clearly didn't feel the same. Adrian, it will always be Adrian," he finishes in a whisper.
Adrian. My Adrian. I am coming for you. I am almost there. So close. I promise.
"Shelby?" My name comes out in a whisper. "If you wake up... I mean when you do wake up... I-I want you to know that I am here for you. That I will always be here for you. As hard as I try, I can't stop myself from being in love with you. You- you make me feel like I can be myself... that I can drop my act when I'm with you. I never felt this way before with anyone," he admits, a shy lilt in his voice. "And seeing you lying there all broken is killing me," he chokes. "Especially since it's all my fault."
But it's not! As I said, what happened was out of our control.
Finally, the flicking stops and all I hear is the many machines that I am hooked up to operating with a loud thrum.
Did Levi leave?
"Levi!"
The door opens with a loud bang and footsteps follow.
"Hi, Sierra and Ellie." Levi sounds hostile. Uh oh.
"How's she doing?" Ellie demands straightforwardly.
"Not too good," Levi replies.
"We heard that you were there by the accident," Sierra implores.
"I-I was."
"What happened?" She asks.
If my eyes were wide open I'm sure I'll see Levi wringing his hands together uncomfortably.
"The motorcycle crashed into a tree."
"And of course, all you end up with is a broken arm but our Shelby here is knocking on heaven's door," Ellie snaps. Her voice is poisoness, like the berries Katniss and Peeta threatened to eat which led them to be the winners of the Hunger Games, but I can also hear a trace of bitterness in her words.
Ouch, Ellie, that was harsh. Don't blame this all on Levi. He ended up with a broken arm because of me and he's taking the blame instead.
Be nice.
"I better get going so you two can have some time alone with Shelby," Levi ends up saying.
No, don't go!
But I can sense that he's already gone.
"The nerve of that guy," I can hear Sierra mumble.
The nerve of you two! I want to shout.
"Yeah, can you believe him," Ellie snorts.
If only I could slap both of them. I would slap them silly.
"Shelby, could you hear us?" Sierra asks, her voice loud in my ears. She waits a moment as if I can respond to her, before continuing. "Please, please Shelby come back to us..."
I block out the rest of what she has to say. I am just so sick and tired of having to listen to everyone's crying and praying.
