Delilah

33-Nail Polish

We sit down on his couch, and I rub my hands on my jeans nervously.

My hands are sweating so bad, I am extremely nervous.

"What's up Delilah, you look like you just saw a ghost." He says grabbing my hands in his. 

I have no idea how to start this. This could either go ok or horribly. I don't think my heart could take the latter. 

This reminds me of the time I had to tell my mom I accidentally spilled nail polish on the rug. I was seven and I just wanted to paint my nails, I had never meant to knock the bottle over. 

I tried to clean it but the green smeared into the carpet. When I finally got up the courage to tell her she flipped out. Called me all kinds of names no matter how much I apologized. I wanted to take it back but I couldn't the damage was done. 

I guess they aren't that close but that's the feeling I have right now. Like I am about to tell Cole I split neon green nail polish on his white carpet. 

"Do you want kids someday?" I ask hesitantly. He furrows his brows but nods, "Yeah I mean not right now but eventually."

Ok breathe Delilah breath. 

"Do you want kids?" He asks and I bite my bottom lip, "It doesn't matter what I want."

He looks so confused right now, I know I should just spit it out. 

"You remember the story I told you about my senior year?" I ask and he nods. 

Ok this is way worse than having to work up the courage to tell my mom about the nail polish, because in the end you can just get a new carpet. 

"Well I had never had a regular period, the doctor always said it was normal. One time however it got really bad, so bad that I went to the hospital."

Matt's mom had found me laying on the floor unconscious. When I woke up she took me down to the hospital where they ran a bunch of tests. It was one of the scariest days of my life. One I would never forget. 

The doctor telling me the news was like a nightmare I couldn't escape. 

"They umm-" my voice starts to quiver as I fight back the tears. That day all I wanted to do was scream. It was rock bottom, I didnt think my life could get any worse. 

Cole wipes my face and I realize I wasn't able to hold back the tears. 

"Just breathe baby." He says and I try to take a deep breath, "I can't give you kids Cole." I whisper out, hoping he can't hear me. 

Cole takes a sharp intake of breath and all I can think about is that he did. He did hear me. Oh gosh he probably hates me for not telling him sooner. I should've I know I should've, it wasn't fair to him. 

No doubt the tears are streaming faster now, "I didnt mean to keep it from you I was just scared and embarrassed. I mean how do you bring up the fact that your body decided to grow tissue on the wrong side of your uterus. I understand if you want to break up-" Cole cuts off my rambling my pulling me into his arms. 

"Delilah I'm not leaving you because you can't get pregnant. I love you and nothing is going to change that." I cry onto his white shirt, the tears leaving wet spots. Whoops. 

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to I said I'd understand." Not that it wouldn't hurt, tear out my heart and shred it into little tiny pieces. 

Cole pulls away slightly to look into my eyes, "You are crazy if you think I am going to leave you shortcake. You know there are other options right?" I nod, after everything I looked it up. I knew there would be other options, it's just knowing I would never be able to physically carry my own baby that stings. 

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, "When it comes to it we'll figure it out ok?" I nod again. 

"Ok." He pecks my lips, "I still want you to move in you know." He says against my lips. 

I smile, this is so much better than telling my mom about the spilt nail polish. 

After I calm down Cole hand feeds me Cheeto's. 

"So does this move in have a day, or does it start now?" I ask and Cole shrugs putting a Cheeto in between my lips. I bite into it crunching it in my mouth. 

"Whenever you're ready." He says popping one into his mouth. 

I sigh, "What about Jasmine?"

"Does she even stay in the dorms?"

I shake my head, "Not really, she does sometimes though. I wonder how she'll take me staying here every night."

"Which you practically do anyway." He reminds me and I blush, "Still our friendship has always been weird, I never know exactly what she's thinking. Like with Bailey most of the time I know how she'll react, well except a small amount of the time but that's cause she's a wild card. But Jazz I think it depends on her mood."

Cole nods, "I am sure she'll be happy for you."

Doubt that, but I have already made up my mind to talk to her tomorrow. While I do that I can get my stuff. 

"Ugh that means I have to wake up earlier so I can get to campus on time." Cole laughs, "Most of your classes don't even start until nine anyways."

I glare at him, "Nine is early."

Cole is an early bird. I think anyone who wants to be up before ten is weird. 

He stands from the couch and I raise an eyebrow, "Where are you going?" 

"To put away the food I bought, you could help you know."

I sigh, standing up. "Well I guess now that I live here." I say and Cole just laughs. 

Something in my heart flutters at the thought. I live here with my boyfriend. Wow.