Redamancy

Lenna's POV. 6

Lenna

         The next day I spent it alone in my apartment with nothing planned to do. Took my time to take the trash out, wash my clothes, cook and bake my favorite dessert; a key lime cheesecake.
       The ones I used to sell back when I had time to focus on my small business, which brings me back to...
How the fuck did he guessed that I had one? Or made it sound like it?
       Is it bad that I'm not bothered in how insisting and way too narcissistic he is? Or is it the good humour and good looking that has covers it?
Something is wrong with me.
I turn around when the ringing tone of face time syncs on my phone and Mac at the same time, with the word, 'Mom' and a photo of her in it. The same pic she took with my sister and me on a birthday trip to the beach.
A thing we did, every single year.
The best memories I've had along with me since my teens.
I walk towards my Mac and quickly accept the call, her face emerging on the screen. Her new appearance surprising me, every time we spoke. This time her hair was blond, opposite of her natural hair, and a new beautiful outfit she had bought for today's celebration.
Along with new earrings, she used to let me borrow, making everyone say how similar we both looked. And we did. She looks more like my sister than my own mother.
No surgeries, no gym. Just a mom that gave birth to me during her early twenties and has good genes.
I matched her brown eyes, smile, long legs, fashion style...among other things.
But mostly, her attitude. That's why when she fights, she thinks she's always right. No one daring to go against her, except for me.
Her copy, of course.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but I like being defiant.
"You look stunning!" She demands happily beside my sister, Anna, the one that's a bit like us as well.
"You look awful!" My sister adds laughing.
I roll my eyes.
"What are you going to do today?"
My mother brings closer her camera to her face making me almost burst into laughter.
"Nothing interesting. Just catch some sleep—" I shrug. "Watch movies, bake..." I pause tilting my head. "You are dressed up too nicely. Where are you going?"
"Your uncle is celebrating his birthday outside the city, in one of those beautiful gardens." She smiles widely. "It's only our small and gracious family that's going."
Sadness settles in me and I hide my miserable reaction with a fake half-smile.
Cause if I did show any type of emotions of wanting to be there, my mom would literally buy me a ticket now even if she doesn't have the money to do it.
She would find a way to and I can't let her spend another cent on me. Not with all my college tuition in both my parent's hands.
They all know I'm very clingy with them. I'm always hugging, or talking endlessly to everyone. All I want is either them returning the hug or listen to me. And they know not having anyone around to do it now, must have gotten me in depression.
I always laugh at that.
Miraculously I haven't but I've been growing silent and shy to show affection to anyone.
"Is he around to congratulate him?"
My mom nods and then loads of noises echo from her side. She begins to converse about another topic with probably my cousin, and minutes later, She turns her camera and everyone stands in a spot to wave at me happily.
My vision blurs a bit but I quickly blink them away.
My cousin begins to ask me about my job while others say 'Hi', and then there's a mess of sounds that makes it impossible for me to talk. I try but then my mom flips the camera and finally says, "We need to leave now and I might now have signal on the road, honey. I'll call you at night when we return!"
"Have fun!"
She smiles and blows me a kiss before hanging and I'm left with my own reflection on the screen. I sigh and close my laptop to walk towards my room where I lay with my lime cheesecake and cry.
I cry for my family for a few minutes but then I just do it because I want to. So, I just sob while taking more bites.
And this has become more like a routine every time I do facetime with people I'm attached with.
I hate being emotional but I just love the feeling of my chest tightening at the pressure of the sadness building in me. I just need to empty this burden feelings inside of me, and do it until I'm filled again with them, just to avoid my heart and soul from drowning at any moment.
Few people laugh at it and others get annoyed when I do this, cause I can't even stop or prevent it doing it in public.
Not even my family gets why I'm like this but it deeply makes me feel so human. So alive.
Ironic. How could I be the one that always laughs at everything and cries intensely at anything.
As minutes pass by, I'm eventually drawn into sleepiness. I hiccup as my eyes begin to close slowly, and in a matter of seconds, I'm welcomed into a peaceful, dark, and silent place.

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