Redamancy

Final Chapter

Lenna

      I hated that he didn't stay with me that night.   
   And I hated that she didn't say how much he loved me.
     Even though we were pretending to love each other, I fooled myself by saying that it might be real. It felt like every time he say it, he actually meant it.
      As if those words were only reserved for me.
   He hadn't even said those words to her family, no one he could trust.
     But I felt special and even selfish by knowing that he had said them to me first.
       The way he left in the bathroom to clean myself, I yearned for more of his touch. Warmth and handprints that I could still feel in my whole body even though I washed it off two times.
     I waited for him to come in, but I appreciated the privacy he gave me.
    Once I stood in front of him, I wanted his words. I wanted him to confess that he had fallen in love with me like I did with him.
     I wanted him to kiss me.
     I wanted him to assure me that he was going to wait for me as long as I needed so we could date and pretend to be one of those cheesy couples we could never be like.
       Yet nothing came out of his mouth. My hope was shattered and I felt devasted that this was definitely our last night together.
      When he kissed my hand, I wanted to cry like a little girl would for the simple romantic gesture. The way his dark eyes locked with mine avoided me to confess everything I felt.
      He looked hurt and I hoped he saw that in my eyes too.
      "Goodbye muffin."
     Once he left me on my own, I went directly to bed to cover myself and hide in the darkness full of sadness and regret.
       And the same feelings I went to sleep with, I woke with the same ones once I left with.
      I packed everything, gave my apartment key, and visited his office one last time.
     I came earlier to avoid coming across him, but deeply I hoped to see him there, in the same black chair with a black suit on and the malicious smirk he gave me every time he saw me.
     However, not even Susan was there. So, I just made my way in and left everything he had given me out of his craziness.
     The only thing I truly and honestly wanted to keep was the blue drop pendant necklace he had given.
    It was beautiful and I had worn it every single night as a reminder of him.
     During the plane, I regretted not leaving a note behind, but maybe he wouldn't care at all what I wanted to say.
     I was just another hookup for him. Another game to play.
    
    
     It hurt to know how lonely he was. How much he craved to be accompanied even though he did not admit it due to his pride.
  
   It hurt to know that I had given everything to him. Not only my body but my heart too.

    Another fool.

     It fucking hurt that he did not admit that he loved me back.

     It fucking hurt.