i am addicted
to falling
a warm and safe haven
but i crave to jump from the highest floor
plunging to my own death
but the adrenaline is pleasuring
intimacy is a drug
hooked like heroine
i am another body in the ocean
by many
shame is my second name
addiction hides behind my silk curtain
it is not secret
that i hurt people for a living
no amount of self hatred can heal
the cracks i made in his heart
but he plasters them just for me
and smothers me in love
that my selfish soul does not deserve
i will never let my chemical imbalance
take the wheel again
drunk while sober
hungover with confusion
as to why i became
someone i don't recognize
overnight
i have a fixation on beauty
and live in sinful imagination
the mirror reflects a disgusting beast
body covered in dirt
skin that repulses me
peering through a kaleidoscope
magnified
i cannot commit
no matter how much i wish i could
if i were you
i would stop loving me
a long time ago
but the thought of a life without you
is deafening
i selfishly claim you
what i do not deserve
