glare of christmas lights
in my rearview mirror
the excitement i no longer contain
in fact i dread
those december nights
and the reflection of a joyful child
even then i was broken
i once counted down the days
now just a plastered smile over a broken spirit
grandma is dead
there is nothing to run back to
but empty property
gifts that i do not deserve
laughs i force from the crooks of of my mouth
nostalgic meals i'll throw up later
and kisses that seem bittersweet
waiting for another wasted year to pass
praying i won't awake from it
