a philosophical warfare
takes place behind an excused smile
perhaps this dual is no longer philosophical
for it is only against myself
eager and wishful to believe
the opposing thoughts
and if they indeed existed
they would gleam against the water
just as the lights on this very bridge
and i am stuck between the idea
that i am loved and that i am settled for
i have etched inside the walls behind my ears
that are the tissues of the mind
that i am never good enough
regardless of how much i crack and pour
the gallons that my heart bleeds
will never amount to something once longed for
i am merely situational
merely convenient
i will never be the sun to anyone
i will never be the moon
or even a star
maybe i am the dust
for even the dust holds value
but is wiped away
i would like to believe
the fickle things
the sugarcoated sweetness
that is an affirmation
but it fades to translucency
it seems i am incapable
of relishing the beauty i'm caught in between
savoring the ravishing one i've attained
but alas
i am only the speck of dust in his eye
i am only a distress
i am but a flaw
