i wonder if i'm pathetic to you
and a sick selfish bastard who keeps crawling back to the heart it broke
i'd do my very damn best
to pick up those pieces
if i was more than a life lesson
to you
when i left
i painted myself as changed
pretended i no longer loved you
so my family could love me
because a normal life
was the only thing
that could save me from hell
little did i know
that hell exists on earth itself
that hell exists in me
and my memory of you
i still miss you
and it kills me to say so
i still ponder on wishes
that one day we'll meet
and i'll hold you in my arms
that were once a shelter for you
but now a prison
today i dreamed
while i was awake
that i kissed you in the middle of an abandoned street
you were in your prom dress
your hair was still lilac
and your arms were frail
then you vanished inside my touch
how many sorries will it take
to drown the selfishness in me
how many years will pass
before i can heal from you
