i reach for you
but you have already fallen from my grasp
your hands were never cold as they thought they were
but filled with warmth and your eyes ignite like fire
and you may not exist to them
but you were everywhere with me
so i reach out to hold you
your transparency like the skeleton flower you sang of
uncle kent always said stay strong
hospital calls when i relapsed wrists
but how much stronger can i be?
even he was defeated by his illness
roots from esophagus
reaching for his brain
i still wait to hear him clear his throat
in the room next door
each friday night
his smile stagnant in my mind
poppy came to me in dreams
he said everything would be okay
the crinkles by his eyes showed sincerity
the room smelled like grandma's pillows
the room in which he died
even he was defeated by his illness
even he surrendered
against his pain
but created a promise within me
to press on for my father's sake
how many days before spring?
how many nights of crimson streaks of light behind my eyes
the sword of my mind sinking through
and tears numbing skin
reaching for the wisps of air
that no longer sing back to me
how many nights before spring?
