at times, the truest ten seconds of my day
are the ten seconds after i open my eyes
the best ten seconds
then i remember
i yearn to shed my insecurities
the ability to crawl outside that exoskeleton
a dead and withering molt
constantly rubbing against living skin
if only i could change out of these cold, wet clothes
that are abandonment
if only i could trust that i am loved
without the massive weight against my spine
a spine carved with the lack of my worth
burdensome, lacking
so here i cry
with every heave of my lungs
praying
that it will always be
but i feel as though
i am in purgatory,
patiently waiting for
the worst day of my life
a testimony trapped inside
a seemingly neverending sequence of imposing emotions.
when did i become so afraid?
