Darling you're perfect

Diary Entry 1

-Chapter 2-

Dear fucking Journel,

My whole life is a joke. Honestly nobody cares for me nobody ever has. I guess I better give some background knowledge to you, journel, since youre the only one who seems to careif thats possible for journals to care. My full name is Lovino Vargas. I was born in Italy to which city i cant remember. My first few years of life were probably the greatest ive ever had. I, like any normal child in italy was born having both an amazing mother and father. My mother was the sweetest mom ever and my father was quite silly and loving as well.

We'd laugh and play games most of the time. When i was younger id always have nice siestas and eat tomatoes for days. We'd lie out under our pretty blossom tree and I would try to catch all the pretty petals that would fall from the tree. Until my mother would get up and say "come on Lovi, its time for lunch" and we would go in and eat then id always want to come back outside. The outside was always my go to place for running, skipping, jumping, or just napping in general.

One thing I specifcally enjoyed was singing. I would sing and sing to my parents, to my friends, to the trees. Everything. Back then I was constantly smiling and cheerful to which people now wouldnt believe that even if i told them. The last time I smiled, no not fake half bullshit smiled because ive fake bullshit smiled to people lots of times, but actually truly smiled was the day me and my mother went out flower picking. i still remember it clear as day.

I was all sad that my little brother had to leave us and my mother told me "Its ok sweety youll get to see him again, lets go pick some flowers for him to give to him before he leaves" Id brightened up at the offer and immediatly accepted it with pleasure. The weather had been perfect and there werent too little or too less bees. I still remember the feel of my mothers hand when she held my little one in hers while we carried baskets in the other hands. We picked all asortments of colors of flowers. Then we put together a perfect bouqet of flowers and i proudly gave them to my little fratello.

After that day he left and the next day came by. I, as usual waved my mother off to her job which as i was younger never knew what job that was. I just complied and gave her a hug and kiss. That was the last I saw her. I didnt get to see her again because she died. She left me desvasted and i quickly began rejecting people and would turn to anger instead of sadness. I would lash out at strangers friends even my own father. One day I lashed out so badly at my father he yelled right back at me. At that point he gave me up to an orphanage, he couldnt handle this new personality that came out of me.

My whole life at that point began a rough downfall spiraling path that i couldnt control. Going straight down to fucking hell. Once i was in the orphanage i never smiled again. People there tried to befriend me but gave up when they saw how harsh and cold I was. Thet never got to see the sweet side of me so i just gave up on me, everyone did.

Soon at the age of ten i realized i was gay, but terrified to come out. Not like it mattered anyways because I had no friends or family. I got adopted by a couple who really wanted to make me happy again a few years before I had realized this. Theyd try their best but nothing worked i was still qoute on quote a 'bitch'. it wasnt just my fault, the two began fighting and soon she left my new 'father'. And that was when he began taking out his anger and sadness on me. It started out with slapping and hitting but quicky turned into kicking shoving and even... sexual punishments. He'd threaten me constantly so i wouldnt tell a soul and would instead do what he wanted me to do.

Even with him doing this he still made me go to school which I did begin to like more than 'home'. I started taking more classes, joining clubs and such just so i could stay there longer and would have less of a chance of seeing my adoptive father.

But somehow people found out I was gay, I guess secrets dont stay secrets in school. Cause people suck. I was constantly being teased and bullied no matter what i did. I tried talking to teachers about it but none cared to listen. I filed reports but those efforts failed as well. I have no friends or family to talk about it with so ive been left to handle all this pain, anger, and sadness alone my whole sixteen years of life. Im a goner my life is honestly pointless and Im ending this entry now.

Sincerely,
Lovino