Darling you're perfect

Diary Entry 4

Dear,
'Diary'

I can't even believe what has happened today. I stayed home. Well at Antonio's house but at this put I consider it more home then where I live with my 'father'
Antonio's been treating me so well I can't even comprehend why or how it happened.
He's so perfect in every way though I think I've said that before.
I can't say that to his face so I'd rather write it..
Hopefully he doesn't find this journal diary thing.. Or hopefully he does then he'd know everything..
I really should be writing in this more but oh well.
I just really have began falling for him from the moment he moved next door but I can't tell him.. I'm too nervous..
And then what if he doesn't want to be friends anymore.. Maybe he'll think I'm gross.. Wait but what he said earlier.. I wanna trust him, he's all I have on my side yet it's so hard to trust..
His words..
Every single one of them..
How they hit my heart like a knife yet it's not a painful knife.
He makes my heart feel warm and all weird.
It's like he slowly is sowing the tiny pieces back together and I don't even know how. I don't even think he knows he's doing so..
After we had breakfast today he ended up chatting a lot. He asked me so many questions but they were like interrogation questions just loose happy ones like my favorite things or what I read or what I like to eat.
We both agree on one thing.
Tomatoes are the best fruit ever.
He distracted me all day and we played video games which he kept losing. Haha loser.
He's like one of those people where if you're around them too long they become contagious. Their happiness is just contagious and everywhere and you just can't help but smile and be happy with them.
Yeah that's exactly what he's like.
And it can be irritating and frustrating simply because I guess well I'm a bit jealous of him..
Yet I just love being around him.
Just the softest and slightest touch from him makes butterflies flutter in my chest and stomach.
I'm too scared to tell him how he makes me feel it's nerve racking yet at the same time my heart aches more the longer I hide these feelings inside myself.
He makes me feel more whole and more myself when he's around.
He makes me forget my past, forget all the depressing things in my life.
He makes me want to live.
Today was nice just being lazy chatting and relaxing because of my wounds. My father never found me either I wonder what he's thinking or doing at the moment. Maybe he doesn't realize I'm gone or maybe he does.. I'm not sure.. But whatever I'm trying not to think about that as Antonio always tells me. Antonio also said tomorrow he has a surprise though so I can't wait.
Oh shit he's coming to check on me I gotta end this so he doesn't see and pretend to be sleeping. Buonanotte.

-Lovino