With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.13

| Eleanor |

"Please have safe sex. I'm too young to be an aunt."

She choked on her coffee.

"Eleanor. ." She sputtered out, feeling the burn of the coffee. "Can you not jump to conclusions?"

I gave her a smug smile before dunking the biscuit in my tea. A childhood habit that had found its way to adulthood.

The blush in her cheeks revealed her insides.

"He's a good guy, if that's what you're trying to ask. He takes care of me." She dabbed a tissue over her lips.

I munched on , nodding. "He better be or I have my hockey stick ready."

"Luckily we won't be needing it. I know he seems like a rough tough guy but he's really sweet inside." She had that dreamy smile on her face.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

Willow pursed her lips.

I took a sip of my tea—

"Say, what's going on between you and. . . Ryan?"

The way I reacted looked like I got a septic shock! My eyes bugged out and the tea got stuck in my throat. Fizzling out of my nose instead of my mouth!

She handed me a tissue and coughing my lungs out, I wiped my face with it.

Willow had a cat like smile as she watched me with amusement.

"Nothing—," I coughed. "Nothing at all."

She chuckled.

"The whole campus knows about it. Stop acting like I dropped a bomb. You can fool others but not me." She leaned in." Spill."

I kept staring at her.

Weighing my options.

And then I decided to hell with it!

I was tired of keeping a sack of emotions over my shoulder. Maybe it was time I roped in another person I could vent out to. That's the problem with me.

I rarely vent out on situations that mattered.

It's like she pressed the information please button on my forehead and everything came tumbling out.

"—and I told him to stay away." I crashed against the chair , no longer feeling my appetite.

"That's one crazy chick. According to Mark , he knew she was sleeping around but. .she had the benefit of doubt and then Ryan came to him. That was the end of it. It sounds like she's jealous."

"From Ryan?"

Willow gave me a dry look.

"From you."

My eyes widened. "Why? Why would she ever. . ."i trailed off when Willow raised her eyebrow in a really? way.

"Right. Ryan." My shoulders slumped. Each time I took his name, a little bit of my energy vaporized.

"You shouldn't have said those things, Eleanor. How can you take that bitch's side?"

I groaned, covering my face.

"I didn't took her side! i said it all because—because I wanted to hurt him! To make him react! And—"

"He didn't."

Uncovering my face, I looked at my friend.

"I know what I did is wrong. It's been eating me from inside. The only reason I'm here is because I can't face the facts when I'm alone. The guilt. . .I'm not a bad person, Willow." I mellowed.

"I know. Looks like you're running away, El. You're running away from yourself and. . him."

×××××××××××××××

It had been one week and I was half way to hell.

Miserable and. . .

I missed him!

Missed seeing his smile and him visiting me and-and when he said Eleanor.

Like Willow said, I was running from myself and him. It was the truth. There was this thing growing in my heart that I had no name for and it scared me.

I was always upfront about my emotions.

But this one?

It made me want to run to the hills and never come back.

I had been nothing but harsh with the guy and he had always been. .kind. Always made me feel like I knew him since decades.

Enough of you doubting me.

I shut my eyes and turned around, screaming in the pillow. I messed up alright!

I spit out all those horrible things because of the turmoil going in me. I hated missing him. I hated knowing him. Ryan had become a steady part of my routine.

I hated the routine.

And I burst out.

He could have said the same shitty things back to me but he chose to be calm in the face of hostility.

Sleep seemed like a faraway land that I had no mood of visiting anytime soon. So I sat up and just. .stared around.

I'm giving you my words, this the last time we are talking.

My heart dipped down.

And before I could actually make sense of my emotions—

Quickly, I looked around for my cellphone and finally found it smashed underneath my pillow. Snatching it out, I dialed.

Brittney Spears wailed in my ear until—

"Eleanor?" Her sleep laden voice said. She yawned. " What are you—"

"Shut up. Pass the phone to Mark."

"What. .he's not here—"

"I repeat shut up. Get me Mark."

She sighed and then I heard muffled voices—swishing of fabrics—

"Mark here." He rasped.

"You do know Ryan's address right?" I prayed to the heavens his answer was—

"I don't know him neither his—"

Before he could gruff more.

"It's important alright? Like a life and death situation." I tried to keep my voice calm like Ryan's.

"I don't care if it's—"

"Listen here! Send me the freaking address before I pay a little visit and drag you out of your goddamn bed!"

He cursed and then cut the call.

Breathing hard, I waited patiently. My heart was going wild while my brain berated me. Promising me consequences.

Like I cared.

My phone tinged.

And desperately, I checked the text.

Devous, street 6

Turn right across the corner

Harrison Apartments

Apartment#6

Moving out of my bed, I glanced at the wall clock.

12:30 AM.

A sane person shouldn't step out in the night but I was insane in that way. Tonight I didn't want to care about sanity and right choices!

Slipping on my jeans, I nearly toppled over because how fast I was trying to move. Doing multitasking.

Of course I didn't forget to get my pepper spray.

Not for the rapists.

For Ryan, if he didn't accept my apology!

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