With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.26

| Eleanor |

"I think, you left in haste."

I grimaced and shifted on the chair

"Tell me something I don't know." Muttering darkly, I was rummaging through my bag.

A dejected sigh was hurled my way.

I had to fight the urge not to snap at her or lash out . . burning her when it wasn't her fault.

I always looked for scapegoat when I couldn't unleash the anger at the person who deserved it.

Anger management issues flaring up!

So right now , it was me battling with my inner demons and trying not to loose my shit.

The regret was eating away at my insides and I couldn't agree more with him when he said regret eats you alive.

Eats you and makes you miserable. My head was a ditch of muddle. Everything mixed up , jumbled together.

I messed up, alright?

I get it. Got it.

But would I turn around and run back in his arms? Nope. It was 21st century and women didn't run back to situations they screwed up.

Last night, I kept rewinding the whole scene. And kept berating myself for always choosing the wrong freaking option!

I can explain, Ryan had said.

The mature option would have been me asking him to explain but no. .I had to play the hurt card. I had to run away from him . .well because he did hurt me by not telling me the truth at the first place.

Who did that?

I knew I was a 1000% truthful person and I expected the same from him but guess he didn't get the memo about me.

He did try calling.

I declined.

He might have gone all the way to my apartment but it was empty.

I was crashing at Willow's face.

But she wasn't the one to greet me on the threshold.

It was Mark.

His sleepy, groggy voice croaked when he saw me and he said ," What the—,"

"Get outta my face!!" I had snapped at him and his face had bloomed in humiliation but did pissed off Eleanor cared?

No, she had rowed away to the land of assholes.

Thankfully, Willow didn't ask me questions. Just got me a pillow and a blanket.

And some hot chocolate.

All  night , dark thoughts swirled in my head. I couldn't help but think over and over again. .the question looming over my head. .

Was it the end for us?

Well, if he couldn't find me home. .he could email me!! Do something to get to me!

Gah! I was the most immature mature person anyone could meet.

"Eleanor? Are you listening?" She asked me softly.

Not really.

I nodded, stacking up all the stuff on the table beside my coffee.

Where did it go!

"Relationships don't work according to your mood. Its give and take. Sometimes you lie to protect the other person."

My hands stilled in my bag.

"So. .one shouldn't spit out the truth ? A truth you might discover later?" My tone was accusing.

There I went , spilling acid again. .

Willow leaned against the chair , a sombre look on her face.

"What I'm trying to say is, maybe Ryan was waiting for the right time you know. Even Mark does that." She shrugged.

"The thing is, "I gritted my teeth , finally finding what I was looking for ," I'm not Willow and Willow is not Eleanor. I can't tolerate being lied to by the only man I have ever loved." At the end , my voice turned low. .raw. . vulnerable.

I hated being all that.

Willow didn't say anything .

Just took her cup of coffee and sipped on it.

Rolling my eyes, I dumped all the stuff back in the bag. "I'm sorry for being rude. My head is not in the right space."

She smiled and I breathed in relief.

"It's alright. What you looking for?" She asked curiously, her eyes fixed on my cellphone.

"I miss him." I accepted out loud and got a chuckled from her.

I had googled him and got all his pictures. Even of his family too.

I zoomed in on his picture, the one in which he had raised a glass of champagne in the air . .the blue of his eyes so clear and God! I really missed him!

"What the hell did I do. .," I trailed off.

"It's okay, Eleanor. It happens." Willow sympathized.

I glanced at her. "No. It shouldn't happen. Love isn't supposed to hurt or. .," I bit my lower lip. A burning sensation going up and down my nose.

Are you going to tear up in the middle of the restaurant?!!!

I heard a chair scraping and she was by my side. .her arm going around my shoulders while I tried to breath in and out.

Counted to ten.

"Go to him. He might be waiting for you." She encouraged.

Placing my cell down on the table, I felt like a lifeless person.

"What if he don't want to see me?" I whispered.

"He won't. He loves you remember? He was the one to confess first and I don't know how he tolerates your stubborn ass." She shook her head , mocking.

A laugh gurgled out of my mouth because yes, I wasn't exactly your typical girl . .I was rough and hard to get . But Ryan? He took the bull by its horns.

Tamed me down.

"Hey. . .," She suddenly said. Her arm going off of me.

I looked up at her.

She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were on the screen of my phone. It had The Harrison Family image opened up.

Yes, I was stalking his family too.

"That's his family." I said slowly but she took my phone and stared at her like she was trying to remember something. .

"Willow?"

"That's the same guy. .," She trailed off.

Puzzled, I too stood up.

She had zoomed in the image.

. . .of Dean.

"Yeah,that's his little brother."

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Ofcourse. I have met him."

"Brother you say? How can that be?" She was talking to herself.

"Did he hook up with Mark or something?"

"No, stupid. It's the same guy who beat up Ryan at the club."

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