My Therapist

11

"Si, I would love that. Thank you."
TW: talks of suicide/dying

"So what's been going on?" Danielle asks, as they walk up to her office.

The Italian sitting on the couch, with a box of tissues in her hand. Old memories flooding back.

As Danielle enters the room, she immediately feels goosebumps. The blonde sits down in the chair across from the couch, still listening intently. She then speaks.

"Well, I've been having these awful nightmares. They keep coming back, and reminding me of how my papa and brother died." Stefania starts. "The past couple of nights, they've brought me out of my sleep."

Danielle listens carefully.

"And why do you think you keep having these dreams?" The blonde asks.

"That's kind of why I came to you." The brunette chuckles a bit.

"Ah, well. Fair enough." Danielle laughs, looking down. "I'll tell you what, let's start small. Can you describe these nightmares in more detail?"

"Um ok. It starts off with me getting the call about my dad. Except it's different because...... it's my mama calling. Who also passed." Stefania stops for a moment to collect herself.

"She calls to tell me that my papa and Andrea are both in the hospital, and I need to go there immediately. I rush to the hospital, but as I am on the road, I can see it getting longer and longer. My foot doesn't press far enough on the pedal. It just won't." The brunette starts to cry.

Danielle, while listening, fiddles with her fingers, wanting nothing more then to hold Stefania tight. These past couple of weeks have been a lot. Maybe she can just take it slow.

"As I'm sitting in the car, trying to get to the hospital, I get another call. I look down at my phone for what feels like 1 second, and I get hit by another truck."

The blonde picks her head up, looking at the beautiful woman. Her eyes starting to get glossy. There is a loud silence that fills the room.

"Is that all?" Danielle asks.

"No...... uhh there's something else." The Italian says, as she looks done once more, not wanting to make eye contact. "Doctor Savre? Promise me this will stay between us?" Stefania says, quietly.

"It's legally my job to keep all of your information classified. That is unless it involves you being a danger to yourself or someone else." Danielle instructs.

The brunette stays quiet, giving the doctor 'the look'. "Stefania..... can you tell me what that last part is?" Danielle asks, reassuring her that it's ok.

"I- um. Ah. Ok. Sometimes, I wake up after I get hit by the car. And sometimes...... I make it all the way to the emergency room. While I'm in the gurney, I realize that I'm laying in between my papa and Andrea. They are both laying there, so peaceful. And I just- I just cant help but think. 'What if I could just go with them.' 'What if I could just be with them forever.'" The Italian looks up, and her eyes meet Danielles. Seeing the blonde try to hold back her tears, is killing her.

"If I may, and be honest. Have you had any thoughts outside of your dream, about harming yourself?" The blonde asks, paying all the attention she has.

"Once." Stefania starts.

"When was that?" Savre asks.

"The night that I was with Jay. He made me feel so useless. He shouted things at me, and I tried to be brave, and pretend I wasn't hurting, and i took it out on you over the phone. I'm sorry." Stefania apologizes.

"Don't apologize for your feelings. This is a safe space."

"Don't look at me like that." Stefania says, as she rolls her eyes slightly.

"Like what?" Danielle asks, genuinely confused.

"Like I could break any second." The Italian starts.

"I just care about you, Stefania. That's all." Danielle reassures. "Also. You know how you mentioned that you were trying to go faster, but your foot wouldn't press down? Well that's called REM paralysis. It's similar to when you try to run in your sleep, but you cant move. It's a safety mechanism."

"Really?" Stefania asks, still sniffling.

"Yes. So it's not a bad thing. It's just difficult." "Can I ask you something else?" Savre asks.

"Yes."

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

"I've only told one other person about them. I just don't want people to think I'm weak." Stefania says.

"And why do you think people will think you're weak for telling them about what's going on?"

"Well, When I was little, as you know, I was told to shove all of my feelings down. That 'nobody cares' what I'm feeling. Or, 'crying makes you weak.' The brunette starts to sniffle.

"Take your time."

"As I got older, I started to realize that you have to talk to someone. You have to get the help you need. You may think that shoving all of your feelings and worries down, is a good thing, but it only makes you hurt more in the long run."

"That is right. Ive seen how you've grown from our first session, until now. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem like you feel lighter, now that you've let some things out?"

"Si, si I have. All thanks to you."

Both women look up at eachother. Eyes locked. Tears flowing. A sudden buzzing noise interrupts their silence.

"Um." Danielle says, wiping her eyes. "Looks like our time is up for today."

"Oh, yea." Stefania realizes, and wipes her eyes as well. The Italian gets up, and starts to head out of the door.

"Are we still on for next week?" Danielle asks softly.

"Si, I'll see you then." Stefania pauses.

"You won't find another doctor?" The blonde asks jokingly.

"Very funny. I'll let you stick around for a while." She chuckles.

"Yay, well I'll see you next time. Oh and Stefania?"

"Hm?"

"I'm so proud of you. You took a very big step today. I really hope we can work everything out." The doctor says, smiling.

"Me too. Thank you Doctor. I'll see you next week." Stefania smiles back.

Hey! I know this chapter was a little heavy, but if you like it, I can elaborate more on the next chapters too!!

Also, please please talk to someone. It's not good to bottle your feelings up. It eats away at you.

I apologize for the shorter read, but I hope you enjoy it! Lmk what you think.

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