Beyond Redemption

Chapter Nine

"I don't really even know how it happened. I started talkin', they started laughin'...I'm overheated." -Overheated by Billie Eilish

Scarlet's POV:

I could no longer see the clouds, the plane was finally beginning its descent. The spectacle before me had vanished into thin air. The clouds no longer surrounded me and the sky suddenly lost its beautiful blue sparkle. Down here the sun didn't seem to shine as bright, casting a shadow of gloom.

Instead, the hustle and bustle of life finally came into view as the bliss of the sky slowly disappeared while reality quickly took its place. 

My very own descent.

After I entered the lunch area, I tried to make things better by holding my head down. That worked for a while but as I followed closely behind Jason, the little whispers echoing through the cafeteria were the only things I could focus on.

Ever since I was a kid I've struggled with a slight case of social anxiety and sometimes I feel like I am moving past it, like on Friday night, but on days like this I go right back to square one.

I used to go to a therapist when I was younger because it was so bad that I feared going to school, understandably so. But as I grew older and when I became friends with Lia, it dialed down a bit but it was still evidently there. And days like this would constantly remind me.

There was always this constant fear looming over me that people were watching me, criticizing every single one of my flaws. Assessing how I looked, how I spoke. Hell, I didn't even like to eat my lunch in the cafeteria for that simple reason.

Nothing that, my therapist or teacher or even my mother taught me could prevent my mind from wandering back to 8th grade. Because everything about this situation I was currently in was
everything like that of middle school.

I began to feel small droplets of sweat form on the back of my neck and my need to curl up in a ball and disappear was stronger than ever. Jason's never ending talk about himself only made matters worse, intensifying my apprehension.

But then I saw him.

Phoenix.

And by the looks of it, he definitely remembered me. His eyes pierced through my body as that strikingly beautiful smile played on his lips. The nerves in my body were on fire and he definitely knew it when he hinted at our conversation from the other night in front of all these people.

Earlier today, a small part of me hoped he'd recognize me and I could relive Friday night over again. But now, I just wanted him to forget about me. I just wanted to turn back time and tell Lia no.

I was stupid for thinking I could manage this. It was too much for me.

So I stormed out into the empty hallway, needing to be away from all those people. As soon as I heard the click of the doors closing, I let my whole body go limp towards the floor, my knees buckling beneath me.

The empty hallway was hushed, resounding with only the echoes of my heavy breathing as I watched my chest rise and fall. It felt as if the oxygen was being sucked out of my body and there was nowhere where I could source it. I needed air.

I couldn't see for shit, only being able to make out the outlines of the lockers and the white blur of the floor. My clothes were doused with sweat and I couldn't seem to stop the incessant shaking of my body.

Normally, Lia would have helped me in situations like this but she left school early, because she had a doctor's appointment and now I had to figure out what to do.