Beyond Redemption

Chapter Twenty-Six

"It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless." —Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi

Phoenix's POV

You would think that the lake would have been freezing in the midnight air but it wasn't. Now maybe the reason for its warmth was because of the intricate science behind water temperatures but every part of me was convinced that it was because of her. Every blood vessel in my body that was pulled taut and on the verge of collapse was probably due to her. The sparks of desire burning my skin were due to the soft curves of her body against my hands.

But all that heat disappeared the moment we emerged from the water. And as soon as the words left my mouth. Fitting, isn't it?

When we got to shore, I handed Scarlet my car keys so that she could change in the car without a single exchange of words. While she was gone, I peeled off my wet underwear and changed back into my clothes. I then started a small fire with the available materials to warm us up both literally and figuratively.

Soon after, she returned dressed in my hoodie and sweatpants that were far too big for her petite body. The sight of her in my clothes made my pants way tighter than they were a second ago. She rolled up the sleeves so it could rest comfortably on her wrists and the only thing she could do to the pants that swallowed her toned legs was to tie the strings extra tight on her waist.

The flicker of the fire illuminated her eyes as she cuddled around the flames, rubbing her hands together to create some form of heat. We both sat around it, listening to the crackling and spluttering of the blaze as the dying branches and twigs turned into ashes. The uncomfortable silence we experienced in the car after the dinner returned with full force.

"I'm sorry," I apologized not too long after, breaking the silence. There was this incessant need within me since the day in that classroom, to make sure she was alright. And the fact that I acted like a fucking pussy, AGAIN, probably put her under the impression that I didn't want her or that I regretted our kiss. I knew there was a high possibility that she felt rejected or less than like somehow this was her fault.

In times like these, I wish I knew how to not act like a dick.

"Sorry for what?" That was the first time she spoke since we came out of the lake. "I should be the one saying sorry."

"For?" I knew she would somehow blame it on herself.

"Taking things too far," she muttered playing with a damp loc that fell into her face.

"Scarlet," I shifted, narrowing the space between us before I took her hand in mine. "What you did was fucking hot...It's just that this is new to me and I don't want to fuck it up for you or for me." I said honestly.

I experienced all these unfamiliar sensations and feelings when I was with her. I tried to convince myself that it was my need for sex with her but I didn't think it was just that anymore. "Your body deserves to be worshipped for days in a bed with roses and scented candles on a luxurious island far away from the terrors of the world. Not here in the middle of nowhere with a quickie."

Instead of asking for a less vague answer, she smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck placing a feather-light kiss against my lips, which felt heavenly.

"Thanks for your honesty." She whispered, sliding her arms around my waist to hug me.

My heart wasn't beating right, it was spiraling out of control at such a simple touch. I can't remember the last time someone hugged me and made me feel this way. Only her. Only her touch could make my heart do somersaults.

I swallowed hard instinctively wrapping my arms around her the slenderness of her waist like the day in the hallway, attempting to return the gesture. But in reality, I didn't know how to hug. I only hugged her once before and I still wasn't sure if she was cognizant of the fact that I didn't know how to do this shit. She might think it was absurd that I didn't know how to do something as simple as hugging so I steadily pushed away but she held me tighter.