hurt bae.

just might

yes I wanna fuck someone else
Feel the feeling that I never felt when I was with you
Tijuana, Mexico. 7:15AM

"She's fucking gone!"

Megan texted Kehlani's phone but the messages never sent. Her phone calls went straight to voicemail. FaceTimes, unavailable. Alyssa was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, trying to recover from a night of Henny shots. Megan already checked the bedroom which was vacant from anything but the bag from the store. Meaning, Keh must have either been mad or didn't like the stuff.

"Girl..." Alyssa sighed. "It ain't even that deep. Maybe she just didn't wanna be here no more."

"She locked her door last night. I couldn't get in."

"You know you be snoring. She was prolly tired of that too."

"Shut the fuck up, Alyssa," Megan snapped. She tried calling Kehlani again, but no answer. 

"I warned you." Alyssa crossed her legs. "But, hey, you got something of hers. She's going to have to hit you up eventually." 

"What?" 

"Her black card. Her metal." Alyssa yawned. "Fuck up her credit."

Megan shook her head. "No. I'm not you." 

"Girl, you ain't gotta be me to do that shit. The Megan I know would fuck up some commas." 

"I literally don't have that in me right now. I'm bugging." Megan sighed. "I am a lover girl now." 

"Megan. You never was a lover girl. Was the kitty kat that good for you to not want to hit her below the belt?" 

"Money isn't everything." 

"It's what makes the world go round. It's a fuck nigga's pride." 

"Okay, but-" 

"You told me that shit, Meg. Come on. We going to another country on her credit." 

"What about Destin?" 

"That's her friend." 

"I ain't got it in me. Keh's not Jon or Benito or Ty. She's actually a good person." 

"Good person, good credit." 

"No."

"Yes." 

Megan sighed as she rubbed her temples together. It bothered her that she didn't know where Kehlani was. In addition to that feeling, she disliked the fact that she was sweating over a bitch. She never felt this pressed over anybody. It was weird. Kehlani just upped and left. She was used to being the upper and leaver. Now, she was witnessing this, firsthand, it didn't feel good. That was another reason why she did not want to run up Kehlani's credit. She actually liked the girl and not what was in her wallet. 

Alyssa sucked her teeth. "Don't tell me you down bad." 

Megan rolled her eyes and walked outside the bedroom to get some fresh air. She wanted to think about something else that was not Alyssa's bantering or Kehlani. Her dog Astro was still there, sleeping lazily on the couch. "What are you still doing here, boy?" she asked, rubbing his head. 

Destin walked out. "Originally, that was Solana's dog." 

"Huh?" 

"Astro isn't really Kehlani's dog. I'm assuming Sol left it because she couldn't take care of him. They bought it together." 

Megan watched as Astro laid across her manicured toes and looked up at her with sad eyes. He was abandoned. "I'm sorry, boy." 

Destin sat beside Megan. "She left this morning." 

"I figured." 

"I kinda made her mad." 

"How?" 

"I told her what Lyssa said." 

Megan sighed. "Welp..." she sighed. 

"That wasn't what really set her off. She was already disconnected from her emotions. This trip didn't really help." 

"I sometimes wish I could take a trip through her mind and wonder where I am in it. Like, I want to know if she wants me or not. That's the shit I'm dealing with. I never liked anyone like this." 

Destin lit up a blunt and  watched as Astro got up and went to the dog food bowl. "I think once Kehlani gets all the shit out her system, she'll be fine. Right now, she's a little out of it." 

Megan nodded. "I just feel like it would have been easier if she had just said it." 

"Keh gets distant. She just processing everything." 

"Okay." 

"Give it some time." 

Megan was not sure how to approach that. She never knew how complicated emotions could be when liking someone this much. She felt like her heart was about to explode. Alyssa came outside, yawning loud. "Where breakfast at?" 

"You make it," Megan snapped. 

"Alright.  Don't get pissy with me cause now you got feelings," Alyssa said. 

"Shut the hell up," Megan huffed. 

"What did Kehlani do to you that got you like that???" 

Megan wish she knew the answer. 

For the rest of her day, she packed her bags and listened to some music. Alyssa offered to use the credit card, but Megan told her no. She watched anime alone at the end of the night in Kehlani's bed, wrapped up in her faded scent of perfume. She felt so vulnerable and pitiful. The introduction to Inuyasha came on when she got a facetime call from Kehlani. Megan felt a tear fall when she answered. "Hello?" she sounded so wounded answering it. What the hell happened to Thee Stallion?

"What's up with you, shawty?"

Her voice sounded like medicine. It healed the longing she had but she knew it would have its side effects. "Mmm." Words couldn't even come out. She was glad that the lights were off and the tv barely showed the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," Kehlani said. "I'm in LA right now. I don't know if I'll be in town when you come back." 

"Ok. That's nice." 

"I still meant everything that I said." 

Really? Why did you go? Megan wanted to ask. But, she kept her feelings in. She had to turn that savage up and act like she didn't care. So, she said nothing.

"Megan, just let me get myself together so I can be with you." 

"When I see you, I'm giving you back your credit card. And what about your dog?" 

Kehlani licked her lips, in thought. "Destin gonna take care of Stro for a  while. I'll just let you have the card. Run it up, shawty. It's the least I could do for your troubles." 

"Is that all you think that you're good for? Or that I want you for?" 

Kehlani laughed. "I believe it. You have all these dudes on your line. I'm just here." 

"No, Keh. You're actually....I'm not even going to say it because you sound just like the rest of 'em." Megan got angry. "I can't believe you would play me!" 

Kehlani's jaw tightened. "Shawty, wait." 

"No." Megan hung up. She booked her and Alyssa a flight to the Maldives and went to sleep. On Kehlani's credit card.