Starting Over

Chapter 70- Our Secret Spot

“Have you seen any of these?” I asked Bridget as she getting the boys settled and ready for bed.

“No, I haven’t been able to get on there. The boys have been running wild for hours,” Bridget exasperated. I could tell she was exhausted. She hasn’t really slept since we found out. Neither have I, but I’m also not carrying a child inside me either.

“I need to say thank you,” I told her as she continued getting the boys ready for bed and I started typing my second tweet for the night.

“Thank ya’ll for all your prayers.” I tweeted.

“I think I’m going to sit out on the back porch for a bit. I need some air,” I told Bridget as she was laying the boys down for the night with them fighting her the entire way.

“Alright,” Bridget said practically out of breath.

I felt bad for not helping her get the boys settled, but I just was so numb. It was a feeling I had never dealt with before. When Chris died, I felt everything. I think I literally felt my heart break. When Kelly died, it was the same, just a little more intense. Still with both of them I felt everything. Every memory, every event, every conversation. Just everything. But with Lee, I felt everything at first, but now I feel nothing. I feel no hurt, no sadness, no anger. Nothing. I just have to clear my mind.

“Where are you going?” Megan questioned me as I walked towards the back door.

“Outside. I need air,” I told her without so much as even looking up at her and just kept moving towards the door.

As soon as the door opened, I felt the rush of cool night air smack me in the face. It was more than I expected. I sat on the edge of the porch and dangled my feet off the edge. I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but none of them were clear. It was just a mumbled mess running crazy in my brain. I had to get some kind of clarity. Before I realized what I was doing I was halfway across the open field heading towards my thinking spot in the utter darkness. Even though I knew it wasn’t the greatest idea I couldn’t stop myself. It was like there was a force that kept pushing me towards the bank of Muckalee Creek right at my thinking spot. I don’t remember the brush being this bad when I brought Kenzie back here just a couple of months ago. I struggled as I stumbled through the dense woods to the spot where Bridget’s initials were carved into the tree. My foot got caught on a vine and I tripped. While trying to catch my balance I fell into the cold water that flowed passed.

“Fuck!” I screamed as I jumped up after being completely submerged in Muckalee Creek, “Dammit, Luke Why do you have to be some damn clumsy?”

I was soaking wet from head to toe and knew I needed to be going back to the house, but in the process of falling into the water I must have twisted my ankle. I couldn’t hardly walk on it. I sat on the bank of the river shivering in my shorts and t-shirt. I considered building a fire to keep somewhat warm, but I had absolutely nothing to start a fire with. I never learned to start a fire with just two sticks. Ironically, Bridget was the one of us who taught the kids how to do that. I pulled my knees into my chest and prayed. I knew Bridget would realize I was missing soon and I’m sure there would be a whole mess of people out looking for me. The longer I sat the colder I got. I scooted myself from the bank up against the tree pulling my knees into my chest once again trying to find any warmth I could.

“Please Bridget, forgive me for this. I know you are scared right now, but please try and stay calm. Listen to Kenzie. She will know where to find me. Just let her come,” I prayed, “God, please done punish me for being so damn dumb. I should have never walked out here in the first place. But please don’t take this child from us. Don’t take that child because I was so dumb. Don’t take that child for any reason. Bridget and I can’t handle that right now. Please God, please hear what I’m saying tonight.”