Starting Over

Chapter 20- Talk It Out

I woke startled. I rolled over looking at the clock. It’s 2am. Definitely way too early to be getting up for the day. I rolled back over to cuddle with Bridget, but she was gone. I sat straight up, looking around the room. She was nowhere in sight. I was worried. After the dream I had I just had a feeling something was wrong. I quickly got up and started searching for her. I started with her favorite thinking spot, the kitchen, but she wasn’t there. Upstairs, downstairs, the basement, back porch, all the bedrooms, the garage, and even the laundry room. She was nowhere to be found. I really started to worry. Our trucks were still here, so I knew she hadn’t left, but where on earth could she be? I sat on the couch trying to think where she could be that I haven’t checked. I haven’t checked the front yard. I walk to the foyer and slip my boots on before walking out the front door. I softly shut it behind me. There weren’t many places she could be, but I knew I was going to have to walk away from the porch to even see if she was out here. I started walking out towards the wishing well I had put in after Caroline passed away. It was the one place I thought she could be. The closer I got I started hearing her voice; although, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I moved a little closer and I saw her. Bridget was sitting on the ground next to the wishing well. I stopped and listened to what she was saying.

“Sometimes it’s just really hard ya know? I wish you were here to talk to, but I know if you were I wouldn’t need to talk to you like I do now. I wouldn’t be engaged to your husband. As much as I love Luke, I know we would have never fallen in love if you weren’t gone,” Bridget softly said.

I could tell she was crying. I wanted to go up to her and just pull her close, but I couldn’t force myself to move. I knew she needed this. She needed to talk to Caroline, even though Caroline couldn’t answer her.

“I don’t know how to talk to Luke about some things. How can I tell him that our sex life has nothing to do with not having the time? I’ve avoided it. I know I love him. I want to be his wife. I know all of this, but I feel like it’s a mistake, us being together. I feel like I’m betraying you. I know now that you knew Luke and I would fall in love, yet it hasn’t stopped me from feeling this way. You know how many times I have regretted saying yes over the past 24 hours? I can’t count that high,” Bridget spoke.

She’s been avoiding sex? She regrets getting engaged? I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I feel like my world is falling down around me. Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe we don’t need to be in the position we’re in. Maybe we just need to move on living separate lives. Now I’m second guessing our entire relationship.

“I know. We were meant to be. It was written in the stars. That’s what you always said about that ‘can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars’ kind of love. I want to be close to him, and I’m going to try and talk to Luke. No. I am going to talk to him. I’m going to tell him everything. I’m going to be honest with him. I’m going to tell him that I’ve avoided sex. I’m going to tell him that I have been feeling like we are a mistake. I’m going to tell Luke everything,” Bridget said as I could hear her confidence rise in her voice.

“What are you going to tell me?” I asked knowing this was the perfect time for me to speak. I knew I needed to push her, but I didn’t want her to think I was betraying her so I could just pretend I didn’t hear everything she had just said.

She turned quickly. It was clear I startled her. She had tears in her eyes, but quickly wiped them away. She didn’t want me to know she had been crying. Even if I didn’t see the tears I would have known. She can’t hide things as well as she thinks. At least not now.

“Luke,” Bridget exclaimed as she jumped up into my arms, “There are some things I need to say.”

“Baby, what is it? You can tell me anything. And you don’t have to be so strong around me. Let me take care of you,” I told her remembering what Caroline had said in the letter.