mind games ⁀➷ s.j ✓

19

Jake and I spent another hour or so at the park, but the last two hours here were spent by the bridge above the ocean. We bought cheese corn dogs and other various snack foods, enjoying the late night together as this allowed us to become closer and more comfortable with each other.

I haven't felt this happy in a while. Of course, all of the guys make me happy, but I feel different this time. I feel lighter, as if I was floating. Today's time spent with Jake really boosted up my mood by ten times, and he made me forget about all of my worries and stresses.

I got to learn more about Jake; a lot more, because I think he became too carried away and over-shared some things, which I didn't mind. It was like I was learning about Jake's whole life starting from when he was a baby.. all of the obstacles and fun times he's had while growing up; everything.

I won't say that I didn't over-share things about myself with Jake, too. I think we were just so caught up in the moment that we spilled everything to each other as if we just reunited after 10 years. I'm not upset or mad at myself for over-sharing, though.

I know I can trust Jake.

He radiates this warmth and comfort, especially when he smiles. I can't help but feel warm inside whenever I'm around him alone, and I feel that I can rely on him.

Because of his family issues at home, I told him that he could come over to my house whenever he was having bad days at his house with his family, and he was happy about it. More than happy, actually. He agreed right away and I thought it was cute.

I figured that the least I can do is to have a safe space for him to escape to whenever his family is being mean and he needs air away from them.

I feel really terrible about his issues, though. It's clear that he's going through a lot of emotional abuse from his family, yet he still forces himself to put up a smile in front of everyone. When he cried in front of me, he sobbed hard for a good solid fifteen minutes. I could tell that he was holding everything in for such a long time, and I feel really sad about it.

He's a gentle and pure person, with good intentions and a good heart; minus the flirting with a hundred girls everyday, that is. I haven't really seen or heard anything about him flirting with girls nowadays. He said himself that he hasn't been interested in even talking to any girl normally. I'm not sure why that suddenly changed, but it's alright. He's a good person nonetheless.

On the other hand, Jay hasn't contacted me in any way. I'm not that stingy when it comes to daily interactions with him, but it's become a routine for him to shoot me a text or call me every day, and the past two days I've heard nothing from him.

I think he's still upset at me from that day for whatever reason. I genuinely still don't know why he would be mad at me, but it is what it is. I'm not going to bother, because I know I didn't do anything wrong.

I have a hunch that he has a problem with Jake. It all started at the party when he saw me kissing Jake, and that's when Jay began to act weird around me. The weird comment he whispered in my ear, the sudden addition of being clingy and affectionate, the flirting, the passive aggression; it all started from the kiss between Jake and I.

I'm not sure why he would be angry or upset about that. I mean, he's always been overprotective about me when it comes to guys and romantic interests, but this seems a bit weird. I don't think he sees me more than a friend, but at the same time, I am doubting that. He's always swore to me that he sees me nothing more than a friend, but he definitely did not prove that to be true just two days ago.

We were always kinda close and touchy with each other; hitting each other, laying on each other, all of that... but we never, ever said flirty things to each other, until Jay began to.

Him having feelings for me is definitely not out of the question. It does make a lot of sense if that were true, but considering the things he's said before about never liking me, I'm not too certain.

I don't know what their problem is between those two. I can definitely tell that there was tension between them back at the party and during that phone call, but I'm not sure why I'm involved.

I don't know how I feel about Jay, nor do I know how I feel about Jake.

It's all a big jumble of confusion and mixed up emotions.