Change // H.S.

19. I'm (not) okay

*Dani's POV*

Four days. It's been four days since Harry left and I've been a mess ever since. I miss him so much and I'd do anything to see him one last time. I would wake up every morning hoping he'd come back but I would end up disappointing myself. I've basically cried myself to sleep every night.

I don't have the motivation to go to class anymore. I'm physically there but mentally I'm not. On Day 1, Rachel could tell something was wrong. She kept asking me what happened but I stayed silent saying everything was okay. She knew I was lying but she eventually gave up, leaving me alone. I'm glad she understands that I want to be left alone.

I trudged out of my psychology class with a frown on my face. The students around me excitedly discussed how the exam went with their friends but I had no one to talk to. Rachel didn't wait for me to finish like she usually did. She actually left. I've never felt so alone in my life before. My lips quivered and my eyes began to well with tears. I knew I was going to cry soon. I blinked back my tears but a tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it, fearing someone would see and quickly made my way towards the exit so I could cry in privacy.

I went around to the back of the building and started sobbing into my hands. I felt horrible. Knowing you failed an exam is the worst feeling ever. I didn't even want to think about how disappointed my parents would be when they saw my grades. That exam was unfortunately worth 20% of my grade and there was no way I could drop that exam. I sat down on the curb and tried to catch my breath.

I haven't been doing well in school because I've been worrying about Harry. I was always thinking about him and I was always searching for him. After I was done with class, I would head to the homeless shelter expecting to see him there but he wasn't. I would then go to the church nearby but he wasn't there either. I spent a good few hours everyday roaming the streets looking for him. I would walk down the same streets over and over again, and no matter how often I looked, I would always come up empty-handed. I did this every single day. Why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he know that I love him? Where could he be?

My parents stopped by yesterday to check up on me. They were happy to see that Harry was still gone but sad to see me so empty, lifeless. They kept telling me that it was best that he was gone but I blocked out what they said. They know very well that that isn't true at all. I've been the complete opposite.

My mom was sad. It hurt her to see me this way. Before she left, she hugged me and whispered in my ear that she was sorry and that she would pay for my rent and school again. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Well it's not working.

Once I was done crying, I stood up. I was hungry but not in the mood to get food so I went home. Once I came back to my apartment, I noticed I had a missed call from my parents. I dialed my voice mail.

You have one new message. Message received at 4:12 PM today from 206-555-0149: Hi honey! It's mom. I was thinking we should go out this weekend. You know...have some girl time. Please call me back when you get the chance. Love you. My voicemail continued on.

You have one old message. This message will be deleted. Message received at 2:37 PM February 3rd from 206-555-0123: Hi Harry. This is Kate from Mel's Bakery. We received your application and would like to know when you can come in for an interview. Please call us back at 206-555-0123. We hope to hear from you soon. Thank you and have a nice day.

My eyes widened in shock at the message that just played. Harry told me when his interview was! I looked at the calendar only to be disappointed. His interview was yesterday. I missed my opportunity to see him. I walked back to the couch and sat down.

I wonder how his interview went. I'm sure it went well. I know they'll love him. He's a charming person. I eyed my laptop on the table and powered it on. Once it was started, I opened up the internet and googled Mel's Bakery. The address to Mel's Bakery popped up and I was surprised to find it so close to my apartment. I'll make sure to stop by tomorrow. Maybe I'll see Harry there.

A spark of hope was reignited in my body. The thought that I could possibly see Harry excited me but I quickly put out the flame. Who am I kidding? I'm only going to disappoint myself again.

That was when the realization hit me. I can't keep living like this. I need to pull myself together and move on. I need to forget about him. He's gone.

.

.

*Harry's POV*

Friday.

"Thank you so much!" I said cheerily into the phone. I hung up and gave my boss a big smile and a thumbs-up. "I got the job!" My boss patted my back.

"I'm so happy for you, Harry! I knew you'd get it!" my boss exclaimed.

I'm thankful that my boss let me use his phone. When I went in for my interview at Mel's Bakery yesterday, I had to change my phone number because I no longer lived with Dani. I changed it to my boss' number instead.

I frowned at the memory of Dani. I hope she's doing well. Actually--I know she is. She's doing so much better without me. I've been nothing but trouble for her.

Staying at the hotel is expensive but it has to be done. I can't risk going back to the homeless shelter. I know Dani would be there looking for me and I can't have her find me. I need to stay away.

I've been meeting up with Tom the past few days to prepare for my interview. He would ask me typical interview questions and I would answer them the best I could. He would then give me constructive feedback on my answers, always telling me what I could do to make them better. That reminds me that I need to call him today to tell him the good news.

"So when do you start?" my boss asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Wednesday," I beamed. "My training starts Wednesday."

"Wow, that's so soon. What will you be doing?"

"Yeah, I know. The person who used to work there suddenly quit and now they're trying to find a replacement to work as soon as possible because Mel will be having her second baby soon. And I'll be working at the cashier and doing some custodial work. If Mel likes me, I may eventually be taught how to bake and decorate stuff."

"Sounds lovely. You should bring me something to eat," my boss joked. I laughed. "Alright, I have work to do, kid. Feel free to hang out here as long as you want." I was then left alone. I sat down on the couch in the waiting room and looked out the window.

Things aren't as good as they used to be but I'll take this life over the homeless life any day. It's a start but I'm changing. I'm getting back on my feet. I still occasionally smoke but the amount of cigarettes I smoke is down from before. I'm also limiting my alcohol intake. I'm getting better at controlling my emotions which previously drove me to smoke and drink recklessly.

I wish I could tell Richard the progress I was making but I can't. I'm sure he'd be happy for me though. I miss Dani terribly but she's doing so much better without me. Or at least I keep telling myself so.