Nesscas Oneshots Galore

Lucas's Creepiness

DISCLAIMER: This oneshot contains reference to a tragic, tragic event. It is never named, but you know the event, you'll get the reference. This is just a warning to anyone who is sensitive on the topic of school shootings. That is all

Hey hey, so the Nesscas finale is taking slightly longer than expected to finish. It probably won't be out for a few more weeks, so I have some fun filler lined up for the coming weeks. That is all, and hope you enjoy :D

(P.S. this isn't sponsored, you'll see why that is important later on)

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Lucas: Claus, you do the intro

Claus: Fuck no, I'm tired

Lucas: Ness, you do the intro 

Ness: I would, but as I'm sure everyone can tell, my mic sounds like it's shoved up the ass of an Emu

Lucas: Ninten, you do the intro

Ninten: Alright, su-...Oop, I'm getting a phone call. One sec one sec...hello?...Hi!...Ah, okay...one second...So Lucas, that was my lawyer, and he says, uh, fuck off

Lucas: Holy good god. Alright, I guess I'm the only one who cares about the podcast. Hi! Welcome to this episode of the podcast, we've got a lot to talk about, and a lot of stories

Claus: And! A special surprise later in the episode, which I may say, I am very excited for

Ness: Alright boys, so I was thinking we'd just jump right in with some topics. So, uh, when was the last time you boys nearly died?

Lucas: Nearly died...hmmm. Probably last week when that car almost hit me

Ness: I'm sorry, what the fuck?

Lucas: Motherfucker was going sixty over the speed limit. In a fucking residential area

Claus: Fucking driving like it's Mad Max 

Lucas: It wasn't even a nice car. Shit looking like a dilapidated rape mobile where the driver stores his polaroid collection of child porn

Ness: Alright, so Lucas almost almost got ran over by Winkleberry and the boys. Claus? Ninten?

Ninten: Fuck off, you go first

Ness: ...

Ness: You know I probably should've asked a question more pertinent to me 

Ninten: Oh what the fuck

Ness: The closest I've gotten was that fucking horse almost running me over

Claus: Ohhhhhh, that fucking day

Ninten: I'm not familiar, elaborate

Ness: So basically me, Lucas, and Claus were at this like fucking run down race track that, on any given day, has a couple murders, some muggings. So, we're going horse riding. So after like half a day of waiting, they finally bring out our horses. And my horse was the fattest, fucking ugliest looking animal I've ever seen. It looked like they just injected fucking mongoloid DNA into its face 

Claus: Shit looked like it was fucking Burger King fodder 

Ness: Right, so I get on this fucking horse. And this fat cunt starts to fucking barrel down the track like we're in a goddamn wild wild west chase. Fucker does like eight laps before I can get off without smearing my face in the dirt