Dangerous Game

CHAPTER 8

WARNING

This chapter contains detailed sex scenes if you are not comfortable with this topic please don't read.

Enjoy ❤

Bucky POV

I do not know what to do.
I do not know what to say.
I hear Amaya breathing heavily behind me, she is hyperventilating.
She is totally in a panic.
Sharon in front of me has eyes full of tears and contempt.
"Sharon please listen to me" I whisper in a faint voice.
My throat is dry.
The woman in front of me turns her back to me and runs away from the kitchen.
Even though my heart tells me to turn around and check how Amaya is I know I can't, at the moment my priority is talking to Sharon.
I follow her.
“Wait Sharon!Please don't do that”
She stops her running and turns to me.
God if a glance could kill, in this moment, I would certainly be dead.
"Do not do that?Are you kidding?"
Her screams attract everyone's attention.
Steve quickly gets up from the couch and takes a few steps towards us.
“Hey hey!Calm down guys.What happens?" my best friend asks me.
I can't answer him, I can't even look him in the eye out of shame.
Soon he will know the truth and I don't know if I will ever be able to bear the weight of his disappointed look.
"Answer your best friend, come on!" Sharon teases me.
Her words are full of anger.
“Can't do it, huh?You suck!" she continues sobbing.
Great, now she's also crying.
"Oh but maybe you can tell what happens"
At Sharon's words I don't even need to turn around to understand who she is talking to.
Amaya has come out of the kitchen and now she is a few steps behind me.
I lift my gaze that rests on Sam and Natasha, they both have their gaze fixed on Amaya and seem ready to rush to her rescue.
I just turn around and out of the corner of my eye I see what condition my little robin is in.
She seems on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Shit.
I return to focus my attention on Sharon.
Steve is the only one in this room who looks blatantly confused.
"You don't speak either?You're just a little slut” she hisses to Amaya.
Her gaze then returns to me.
“How could you do this to me James?Tell me that's not true!I beg you!I love you!" Sharon whimpers, her eyes red and puffy.
She sniffs at her and runs a hand over her eyes, smearing her face with mascara.
"I'm sorry Sharon" is all I can say.
"That's all?Are you sorry?After almost a year and a half of relationship, can you only say that you are sorry?"
I feel everyone's eyes on me.
At this moment I just want a chasm to open under my feet and the earth to swallow me.
It wasn't supposed to be like that.
I wanted to talk to her calmly, explain everything I was feeling.
Begging her to forgive me.
But now whatever I say will never be enough.
Steve gets even closer to me.
"What's up brother?" he whispers to me.
I look at him but no words come out of my lips.
It's like my brain has stopped working.
I feel like throwing up.
Sharon's sarcastic laugh draws my and Steve's attention.
“I'll tell you what's going on.Your dear friend Bucky fucks with that whore” and as she says she points to Amaya behind me.
Amaya gasps and a strangled sob comes from her lips.
Steve's eyes widen in amazement.
His gaze moves back and forth between me and the redhead.
"What?" he asks me in shock.
"Sharon I..." Amaya tries to say something but Sharon attacks her in anger.
“Shut up bitch!Don't you dare speak to me!” as she talks about her she comes dangerously close to her.
Now stop.
This is enough.
I can't stay here embalmed like an idiot watching Sharon take it out on Amaya.
I put myself between the two women and I raise my hands in front of me.
“That's enough Sharon.Leave Amaya out of this story.If you have to blame someone, that someone is me but leave Amaya alone”
Sharon stops her march and looks at me with contempt, as if I were an insect to be squashed.
"Are you joking?Are you worrying about her?"
She watches me carefully then her pupils dilate with her astonishment.
"No way.No fucking way!" she exclaims laughing.
A hysterical laugh.
“It's not just sex between you two, right?Oh my God!How did I not notice it before?"
She begins to move back and forth, everyone in this room watching her.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Natasha has reached Amaya's side, they hold hands while the former Russian spy whispers something in her ear.
Sharon resumes with her monologue.
"Don't tell me you fell in love with her!"
I close my eyes about her and she immediately understands the reason for my reaction.
"You disgust me.I've been waiting for over a year for you to tell me you love me.I gave you all the time and space you needed.How could you do this to me?"
Her voice breaks but she clears her throat and continues.
“So do you love her?I want to know it!" her scream shakes the walls of the room.
Sam and Steve look at each other, they know the situation will only get worse.
"So?" Sharon presses me.
I feel pressured, as if something is pressing on my chest anxious to get out.
Panic is the only feeling I have at the moment.
My answer to her question would become a double-edged sword.
But I feel exasperated by Sharon's pressure so...
"Yes!" I yell at her then lower the tone of my voice which becomes almost a whisper, trembling from the chaos of emotions that are shaking me.
"Yes I love her" I continue.
I turn to Amaya.
She has her hands in front of her mouth, a totally shocked expression on her face.
Natasha instead next to her tries to hold back a smile, she has always known it.
“I'm sorry I told you so.I'm sorry it happened this way but it's the truth.I love you”
Then I turn my attention back to Sharon.
Her body trembles with anger.
“I'm so sorry Sharon.You are a very important person to me, you have been with me at all times.You were with me and Steve when you helped us escape the government.You were with me in Wakanda when I got rid of the monster that lived in me.You were with me when I wanted to give up therapy but with your words you convinced me to go on.You were with me when nightmares didn't make me sleep at night.You were my lifeline, thanks to your love I realized that it was worth living.But I think I confused gratitude with love.God if you only knew how hard I tried to love you!I tried with all my strength, I rejected my feelings for Amaya with all of myself...but I failed.I care about you, very much, but I don't love you.I have never been able to love you because deep down I didn't even love myself”
I'm short of breath and I feel a tear slip from my eyes.
Now that I have begun to speak, to vent, I can no longer stop.
“I never made fun of you, ever!But I felt a prisoner of my own life.Being with you had become an obligation and I am sorry for this terrible feeling of mine.Being with you was right in everyone's eyes and I didn't want to disappoint anyone.I was a monster, a killer, and I was forgiven.I became the hero.I couldn't disappoint anyone's expectations”
I turn to Steve.
“When I told you that Sharon and I got together you seemed so proud of me.You told me she was the one, that she would help me in this new life.That I had made the right choice”
I turn my attention back to the woman in front of me.
Sharon listens to me without speaking, she hardly seems to breathe.
“Fuck!Tony Stark also complimented me when he found out about us.You understand?I killed his parents in cold blood and he complimented me.He gave me a job, a house, a family…”
I pause for a moment when I feel Amaya's little fingers intertwining with mine.
I look down at her, she is crying just as I am crying.
I keep talking.
"The man who must hate me most in the world esteems me.Steve believes in me.Sam has always treated me like everyone else.But I don't deserve the respect of all these men because I felt miserable despite everything.And that makes me ungrateful.Being Captain America's best friend is exhausting, I've always tried to be on par with him.I never wanted to disappoint anyone I swear but then Amaya came into my life…”
I take a breath and a sweet warmth warms my chest.
“And I realized that I deserved more, that I didn't have to settle for pleasing others.I have finally found my place in the world.I'm sorry if I had to hurt you to be okay, you don't deserve it.You don't deserve all of this and I will feel indebted to you for life.I just hope that one day you can forgive me.I need you in my life but not as you wish”
I squeeze Amaya's hand tightly, I'm almost afraid of hurting her.
She returns my squeeze.
An icy silence fell in the room.
Nobody talks.
Nobody talks because nobody knows what to say.
Sharon and I look at each other for one very long last minute.
"I can't...I can't...I hate you James, I hope I'll never see you again" she hisses, looking at me with contempt.
She turns her back to us and goes away.
I turn to my little robin who is watching me with her wonderful green eyes.
I try to smile at her to reassure her but what forms on my face looks more like a grimace of pain.
I feel empty of all feelings right now, I can't feel any emotion.
"I think she didn't take it very well" exclaims Sam, pointing his gaze towards the door where Sharon came out.
I can't help it but I smile and I'm not the only one to do it.
"You're an idiot Wilson" Nat replies, rolling her eyes.
The tension seems to subside but then I realize that Steve is staring intently at me.
Shit.
I absolutely have to talk to him.
I turn completely towards Amaya and rubbing her arms with my hands I ask her "Are you okay doll?"
She nods without speaking.
"Are you sure?"
Another nod from her.
Ok!I got it.
I think what awaits me will be a very long night.
I sigh.
“How about we talk about it later?You can wait for me in my room if you want.I absolutely have to talk to Steve now”
“Don't worry about me.I'll wait for you upstairs”
Finally she uses her voice to answer me.
I give her a kiss and place my forehead against her.
We break away when we hear Steve talking to Natasha.
"Why am I not surprised that you already knew?" Steve asks her with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes sharp.
Natasha in response raises an eyebrow and mimicking the tone of voice of her boyfriend.
“Why am I not surprised you didn't notice?He is your best friend dumbass!" Steve rolls his eyes in response.
Amaya walks away from me and I see her approach Steve.
“Don't be mad at her Steve.She is not involved.I was the one who asked her not to mention it to anyone.I'm sorry”
My friend's gaze softens.
“You have no fault Snow and I'm not mad at Nat for keeping this from me.She is your best friend and she is the most loyal woman I know, of course she would have kept your secret at any cost”
Amaya's eyes light up.
"Thanks Steve, your words really mean a lot to me"
Steve comes even closer to her and hugs her.
Nat looks at me smiling, I smile back.
Maybe things will turn out well in the end.
Sam approaches the two redheads and bringing one arm around Amaya's shoulders and the other around Nat's, exclaims "Ok, now let's leave these two alone.I think we have something to talk about.If you're looking for us, we're in my room for a hot and rough threesome”
Amaya bursts out laughing as Natasha nudges him in the side.
“In your dreams Wilson.In your dreams!" the Romanoff makes fun of him.
The three of them leave the room together, just before disappearing from my view Amaya turns to me.
Her gaze is full of fear and questions.
I smile at her and wink at her, she laughs and walks away shaking her head.
Steve is behind me, I arm myself with all the courage I have and I turn to him until we find ourselves facing each other.
Neither of us talks.
His expression is illegible.
"Really Buck?" is his only question.
“I'm sorry Steve.I didn't want to disappoint you”
We look each other straight in the eye, the same eyes that have accompanied me for a lifetime.
“I wanted to tell you about it earlier, I didn't want you to find out like that.You deserved to know the truth directly from me” I admit with shame.
Steve continues to stare at me.
"Did you really think you could disappoint me if you left Sharon?" Steve looks hurt.
“I have always and only wanted your happiness.No matter who or how, I've always wanted only your good.I will always want the best for you.Why didn't you tell me how you really felt?"
“Because I didn't want to let you down Steve.You seemed so proud of me that I never had the strength to tell you what I really felt.I owe you my life.Seventy years ago you saved me from Hydra and after seventy years you did it again.Without you I wouldn't be here today.I owe you more than you can imagine”
I try to speak to him with an open heart, this time I want to be really honest.
“But Bucky I'm happy if you are happy.I don't care who you love.I will always be proud of you.You've fought so hard in your life that you deserve all the happiness this world can ever offer you”
“Often I don't feel worthy of all this love” I admit with a broken heart.
Steve walks up to me and grabs my shoulders.
“Don't ever say that again!You are a good person”
I interrupt him immediately, moving away from his grasp.
"This is not true!When I was the Winter Soldier I did things..."
"Oh shut the fuck up!"
This time it is my friend who interrupts me.
"When you were the Winter Soldier it wasn't you.The things you did you did because you had no other choice"
"I know...but I did it" I reply sadly.
“Bucky listen to me.What matters is who you are today, what you have become.In the eyes of the world you are a hero because you fought to save millions and millions of people.In my eyes you are a hero because you fought against the darkness that was in you.And you won.I just want your happiness and if your happiness is next to Amaya, that's fine by me.Do you think she could be the one?"
"She's the one Steve.She is my world”
I have no doubt about this.
“Then you have my full support, Buck.You have my blessing even though you absolutely don't need it”
We hug.
"I'm with you till the end of the line, pal" Steve whispers in my ear, patting me on the back.
We remain silent for a while, then after having separated from our embrace we both sit on one of the sofas in the room.
"I didn't want it to go like this" I sigh, bringing my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes hard.
“I didn't want Sharon to find out like that.I didn't even want to cheating on her!I'm not that kind of man, I've never been.But it happened and I couldn't stop” I sigh sadly.
"Sharon is an intelligent woman" replies my friend.
"In time I am sure she will forgive you"
"And you?Will you ever forgive me for lying to you?"
Steve looks at me confused.
"Buddy you have nothing to forgive" he smiles at me, a contagious smile that I can not help but return.
"Thanks pal!" I exclaim, breathing a sigh of relief.
His support means a lot to me.
"So you love her, huh?" the corner of Steve's lips lifts upwards.
I laugh heartily.
“Yeah.I guess"
"Do you guess?" retorts Captain America.
We both burst out laughing.
“Oh I'm sure.I just hope I haven't frightened her with this statement of mine dropped so point blank" I giggle with a hint of anxiety.
"From what I've seen I really think that the feeling is mutual" my friend replies, placing a hand on my knee.
“Now go to her.I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about” he gets up from the couch and holds out his hand to help me, a hand that I gladly hold and accept.
We each head to our room but just before I can enter mine Steve's voice stops me on the threshold of the door.
“As far as it counts, I want you to know that I like Amaya.She has had a difficult life but she is a good girl.She a little like you.Together you complete each other.I think this story can work"
"Thank you man"
He walks away and I go into the room.
The room is completely dark and silent.
"Amaya" I call but get no answer.
"Doll?Are you in here?" I ask entering the bathroom where I can not find anyone.
I feel the agitation making space inside me.
I grab the phone and look for her contact, press the green button and holding the phone to my ear, I pray to any existing deity so that she will answer me.
After three rings her crystalline voice rings in my ears.
"James?"
"Where are you?" I ask her full of anxiety.
"I'm on the roof"
"I'm on my way.Wait me doll”
So saying I quickly leave my room and head towards the roof of the Tower.