Dangerous Game

CHAPTER 15

WARNING

This chapter contains weapons and violence.
If you are not comfortable with these topics please do not read.

Enjoy ❤️

Bucky POV

"How do you feel brother?" Steve asks me, scrutinizing me with his immense baby blue eyes.
I sigh looking at the large tower in front of me, I bend my head back, sliding my gaze along the entire structure until my gaze meets the sky.
I close my eyes in despair.
If I had to answer my friend's question honestly, I'd tell him I'd rather die than see Amaya's eyes, green as emeralds, look at me with hatred.
But since I'm a damned coward I'll lie.
I'll lie like I always have.
I'll lie and pretend I'm okay as I was when I was with Sharon.
Nobody will notice.
I'm good at lying.
Or the others don't care about you, maybe they noticed your discomfort but they don't cared about you enough.
My conscience screams loudly.
"Yeah dude.I'll be ok.Let's go"
I precede him, turning my back on him and walking towards the large entrance doors.
As soon as I enter for a moment I feel lost.
They are all here in the great hall.
I didn't think I'd find them here, I was pretty sure we'd have to go to the meeting room.
I try to clear my head of any emotion.
Until I meet her eyes, everything will be fine.
I feel Steve's hand just squeeze my shoulder.
"I'll go to Natasha for a moment, okay?" he whispers to me softly.
I just nod.
I don't trust my voice at the moment.
If I talked I would risk collapsing and right now I can't afford it.
I just keep my eyes down even though I feel like all eyes in the room are on me, I feel them burning on me.
My breathing quickens, I feel suffocated as if I were locked in a box.
I open and close my fists trying to relax.
I hear footsteps approaching me and a hand immediately after brushing my shoulder.
I jump violently.
"Sorry Buck" Sam murmurs, positioning himself in front of me.
All I can see of him are his shoes.
I can't look up.
Now everyone has tangible proof of the monster I was.
Or maybe I still am a monster.
Amaya is loved by everyone.
She has a beautiful relationship with every single person in this room.
It is obvious that all of they are on her side.
She is the victim and I am the monster who took her family away.
To be honest I tried to kill every person in this room, I killed Tony's parents.
What the hell am I still doing here?
"Hey man!" Sam calls me, punching me lightly on the chest.
"Nobody is mad at you, do you know this right?"
I smile bitterly at my friend's words and finally look up.
His eyes usually bright and joyful are now shadowed with worry.
Sam is the last person I thought could become my friend.
And instead here we are.
"You know it's not true"
My voice comes out in a fucking pathetic whisper.
"Give her time.She is hurt.But she loves you" tries my friend to console me.
"Sam she hates me.There is not enough time that can be enough.She will never forgive me"
Sam seems to want to add something but I stopped him with a wave of my hand.
"But that's okay.That's okay.She's right to hate me"
We stare into each other's eyes then Sam sighs.
"Just don't bullshit, okay?" Sam asks me, scrutinizing me carefully.
I really appreciate his concern.
I give him a pat on the shoulder trying to smile even though I'm pretty sure that more than a smile mine is more like a grimace of pain.
"Thanks dude" I whisper to him.
The director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nick Fury makes his entrance, behind him are Agent Hill and Sharon.
The latter's eyes immediately seek mine, her gaze seems worried.
I just give her a slight nod to her and then bring my attention back to the man in front of me.
"Great job Avengers.The mission was a success.His Majesty T'Challa was very satisfied with the operation and left everything in the hands of the American government.As for Rumlow and Pierce they are at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, once cured they will be transferred to the high security prison of S.H.I.E.L.D. precisely in the Raft, waiting for the trial.Had it been up to me I would have denied them the trial and I would have directly locked them up but alas I do not have this authority.So I would like you to deliver the mission reports to me within two days plus all the audio and video evidence you collected during your research"
A short silence ensues which is interrupted by Amaya's voice.
"Director, can I speak to you privately?"
Fury looks at her carefully, as if he senses that something is wrong with her.
"Sure Agent Snow.Just give me ten minutes.I need to make some phone calls"
I risk a glance in her direction and I see her nodding firmly.
Her beautiful profile is taut.
Fury goes away followed only by Maria Hill, Sharon restrains and with a decisive step alongside me.
"James?" she calls me but I'm not listening to her at all.
My feet move by themselves in the direction of Amaya.
"Man no!Wait..." Sam tries to hold me back but I carry on unable to pay attention to anyone other than her.
And this was the reason why I had avoided her gaze because I knew perfectly well that the moment I saw her I would be unable to restrain myself.
She notices me and turns her back on me as she approaches Lucas.
I quicken my pace and grab her wrist.
"Amaya wait!"
"Don't touch me!" she hisses hard yanking her arm out of my grip.
"Amaya please can we talk?"
She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me in disgust.
As if I was just a slimy insect to squash.
"The two of us have nothing to say to each other" she spits out angrily.
Her eyes are haunted.
"Please robin..."
"Don't call me that.Never again!"
"Ok, sorry.I'm sorry.But please I just want you to listen to me, just give me a few minutes to explain" I whisper to her.
I know everyone is watching us.
Lucas and Natasha are both behind Amaya.
While Steve, Tony and Bruce are in front of the stairs just to my right.
Sharon and Sam remained behind me, I can't see them but I'm sure they are watching that sad little theater.
"Ok.Talk!"
Amaya's words are harsh and God only knows how bad they hurt.
"Can we go somewhere with some privacy?"
A mocking smile dirties her beautiful face, distorting her perfect features.
"Why James?They are our friends.You can talk here.I have nothing to hide"
She is punishing me.
She want to put my sins in the public square.
And I let her do it.
I would do anything for her, to have her love.
"I..." I stammer unable to continue.
I am totally shocked by the look Amaya is giving me.
And the more she sees me sink the more her smile widens.
"What happens?The great and arrogant Barnes was left speechless?" she taunts me.
I swallow empty but my voice don't want to cooperate.
"Good!Since you have nothing to say, I have a question for you.How long have you known?"
I sigh briefly.
"For a couple of weeks"
"A couple of weeks" repeats Amaya.
"And it never occurred to you that you could have told me?Or is it easier for you to be a liar?" she accuses me without caring about me, about my heart that piece by piece is crumbling.
"Would something have changed?"
My question sets her on fire.
"If anything would have changed?" she screams with all the breath she has in her lungs.
"Everything would have changed jerk!But you really don't get there?James I don't hate you for what you did.It wasn't you, it's not your fault.It was not the work of James Barnes but of the Winter Soldier.What I can never forgive you is your lie.You lied to me knowing how much I suffer from the death of my parents.You chose to lie to me" she adds.
Her voice has become a whisper.
The anger seems to have flared up leaving room only for sadness.
"I'm sorry Amaya.I swear to you that if I could go back I would do differently" I whisper, taking a step closer.
She takes two back.
"But there's no going back" she says, shaking her head.
"I know it.So I'm here to ask you for a chance.Forgive me.Give me a chance to make forgive me.Please Amaya"
We stand still eye to eye.
She shakes her head again.
I can't lose her like that.
I approach her trying to touch her again but she pushes me away and in a fit of madness pulls her gun out of her trousers pocket pointing it at my chest.
"Don't touch me" she hisses.
Everyone around us jumped with surprise.
"Hey kid!Don't bullshit.C'mon!" tries to make her think Tony.
Sharon joins me visibly frightened.
"Amaya darling don't do this" Sam talks to her softly trying to get her attention.
But nothing seems to work.
Amaya is focused on me, her hand tightening tightly around her gun.
Her finger on trigger.
Instead of retreating, I move closer until the cold barrel of the gun touches my chest.
"Pal don't bullshit" Steve hisses in my direction.
I look at him for just a moment and his eyes are terrified.
I turn my attention back to Amaya.
"Give me a good reason not to kill you here and now" she asks, her voice trembling with pure anger.
"I won't give you any.Just do it" I whisper, grabbing the barrel of the gun and lifting it up to rest it on my forehead.
"Just do it.Put an end to all of this.Please" I beg her.
"Amaya don't listen to him" Nat tells behind her.
"Do it Amaya.It makes no sense to me to live without you.Do it and let me pay for all my sins"
Tears press against my eyes.
I am tired.
I am tired of this life.
I have been exploited, my soul has been torn apart and now with a broken heart I do not know if it would make sense to live again.
"Do it" I repeat pressing the gun hard against my head using my hand.
Lucas walks up behind her and places his hand on hers, the one holding the gun.
"Amaya don't be silly.You would regret it and it wouldn't be worth it.Believe me"
Slowly Amaya turns her gaze away from mine to place it in Lucas's clear one.
Her grip on the gun loosens and Lucas takes the opportunity to take it out of her hands.
I would have preferred that she had shot me than witnessed this scene.
She listened to him.
He managed to calm her down, to make her think.
I smile bitterly.
He has always been the only one.
Amaya takes a step back, violently rips my tags from her neck and throws them at me then she turns and walks towards Natasha.
The two women hug each other and they all breathe a sigh of relief.
"You won man.In the end, you got what you wanted.Your perseverance has rewarded you" I smile turning to Lucas.
"I know what you want to do Barnes.Let it go" Lucas replies, looking at me with superiority.
"I'm not doing anything.Now you can fuck her like you've always wanted"
Lucas seems to get nervous.
Great.
I really want to vent my anger right now.
Lucas comes so close to me that our chest can touch.
Sam and Steve intervene immediately.
"Come on brother" Steve whispers to me as Sam grabs me by the arm.
Amaya approaches Lucas grabbing him by the arm.
"You're pathetic Bucky" she tells me with contempt.
I laugh.
"I'm sorry if I offended your boyfriend" I replied and then turned away.
I pick up my tags from the floor and put them in my trouser pocket.
I can't stay here anymore.
I have to leave before I say or do anything I might regret.
I leave the tower and without caring about Steve screaming behind me I start walking with my head down following the chaos of people around me.
Without realizing it, I head to one of my favorite place.
I found this place many years ago when I felt lost and alone.
A bit like how I feel now.
I enter the small library, the comforting tinkling of bells hanging above the door welcome me.
A lady of a certain age looks out the back door and as soon as she sees me her face lights up.
"James my dear!How long!Come here and let me hug you" Rose's voice welcomes me with joy.
She approaches limping and I reach her, letting myself be crushed by her embrace.
She is so small that her head barely reaches my chest.
She still wears her white hair braided behind the back of her neck.
She pulls away from me just to pinch my cheeks like she used to do.
"What happened to you?I've been very worried" she scolds me lovingly.
"I'm sorry Rose.The work took me a lot" I reply feeling guilty.
"Forget about it.The important thing is that you have found a moment for your old friend.I was making tea, would you like some?" she asks me smiling at me.
"Of course!How do you make tea, nobody does it"
Rose gives me another pat on my cheek and slowly she walks away.
I breathe deeply.
I've always loved the scent of books.
I sit in a chair looking around, this place has remained the same as always.
I smile thinking about when I met the sweet Rose.
It was a rainy afternoon and I had recently escaped from the clutches of Hydra.
I found myself wandering the streets of New York alone and lost.
The rain was raging violently and I, not knowing where to go, entered this small bookshop.
"Good morning sir, can I help you?" Rose had welcomed me.
When I looked into her eyes I don't know what she saw but she immediately ran towards me pushing me towards a chair.
She made me sit down and disappearing into the back she returned with a blanket and a cup of hot tea.
"I don't have a cent with me.I can't accept" I replied.
She waved her hand in front of my face and told me not to talk nonsense.
From that day Rose became my point of reference.
I didn't talk much, I just nodded and listened.
What she needed.
When I asked her one day where her husband was, her answer surprised me.
"Oh dear James, my husband and my son died four years ago. An unfortunate car accident.Do you see this library?It was from Mike, my son.I didn't have the courage to sell it and I try to manage it as I can.I hardly gain anything from it but it was Mike's dream and closing it would mean killing the last part of him"
I understood her pain a little bit.
She was alone in the world and clung to her memories, what I was trying to do.
From that moment on we became friends and to repay her for what she did for me I ran small errands for her.
Grocery, small maintenance jobs at her house and at the bookstore.
We became such friends that one day I felt compelled to tell her the truth about me.
She didn't blink.
She told me that the important thing was who I was today, the past is past.
"Do you want to hurt people?" she asked me, leaving me speechless.
"No!Of course not Rose"
"You see then we can be friends" she smiled at me and I began to believe that maybe I had a future.
After a few months I found Steve.
When I left for Wakanda I stopped by to say hello to Rose.
I explained to her why it was important for me to leave.
"Will you come back to see me?"
"Sure Rose"
But I never kept my promise.
I see her return with a wobbly tray in her hands, I automatically get up to help her.
We sit together sipping tea.
Rose's big hazel eyes are studying me closely.
"Are you ok James?" she just asks me.
I nod, smiling briefly.
"Yes, I'm fine"
"Yeah...and I work as a stripper on the weekend" she replies making me spit the tea.
I cough as I begin to laugh like an idiot.
Rose smiles with satisfaction at being able to get me laugh.
When the last echo of our laughter fades into the air, I take a deep breath.
"Things are not going well for me" I admit in a faint whisper.
Rose places her hand, white and furrowed with deep wrinkles, over mine, squeezing it lovingly.
"You know you can tell everything to me.Have I ever judged you?"
I shake my head vigorously.
"Never" I add whispering.
She gives me a smile to urge me to open up.
"I lost the woman of my life.She hates me now and I feel I have no reason to go on" I admit with a lump in my throat.
I feel small and helpless.
I hunch my shoulders and sinking my face in my hands I release all my pain.
Rose is the only one with whom I feel I can do it.
"I love her so much and she hates me" I sob between my fingers.
I feel like I'm drowning.
Rose's little hand massages my back.
"Why does she hate you?" she asks me politely.
I try to give myself an attitude and freeing my face from the grip of my hands I tell her everything.
I'll tell her how I met her.
How I fell in love with her.
How I believed I was going to spend my entire life beside her.
And then the worst part.
Telling her about how I had deeply betrayed my woman did nothing but widen the chasm in my chest.
Rose just listens to me in silence.
"I'm sorry my boy.You don't deserve all this pain"
"You say?This is destiny, karma, fate, call it whatever you want but whoever is up above there has decided it's time to pay for all my sins.For all the lives I've taken from this Earth"
Rose looks at me softly.
"Are you really convinced that you have to pay for what you did?As payment, is it not enough to have tortured you, to have torn you from your family and from your life?As far as I'm concerned you have already paid a price too high in this life.Now life itself owes you something"
She seems so convinced of her words that I can't help but smile.
"I missed you Rose"
"I believe it!A fantastic friend like me, where do you want to find" she replies almost crossly but then she winks at me to make me understand that she was joking.
"I would have liked to introduce Amaya to you.I am sure you would have bonded.She is not like me, she is sunny and she manages to be loved immediately by everyone"
I sigh thinking about my little robin.
I put my hand in my pocket and squeeze the tags between my fingers.
"You'll introduce her to me one day, don't worry" Rose replies with conviction.
I look at her with an eyebrow raised.
"But did you hear at least one word of what I said?" I tease her, giggling.
"Obvious!I will be old but I am not deaf.She's hurt, she just needs time"
I thank Rose for the kind words and leave her with the promise that I would come back regularly to see her.
I walk away from the library with the knowledge that my story with Amaya has come to an end and this hurts more than a bullet in the chest.
And I have no doubts about this.