Dangerous Game

CHAPTER 19

WARNING

This chapter contains alcohol abuse and sex.
If you are not comfortable with this topic please don't read.

Enjoy ❤️

Bucky POV

I take another sip of champagne and look around as Steve and Sam by my side continue to chat.
The wedding party is coming to an end now, the guests have almost all left and Natasha has just left to accompany her parents.
For a moment my eyes stop on Amaya.
She stands in the center of the now empty dance floor.
She is dancing embraced to Fury, the two are chatting and after a moment she throws her head back laughing heartily.
Her red hair like the flames that at the moment devour my heart sway softly touching her bare back.
God she is breathtakingly beautiful.
At the precise moment that I saw her again, I had to give all my willpower to not go to meet her and kiss her there in that church, in front of all those people.
When the heavy wooden doors opened I immediately noticed her bewildered gaze, she was frightened and agitated like a fawn in front of a car headlight.
But as soon as our eyes met, she began to advance confidently towards the altar, as if my gaze had managed to calm her.
In the exact moment that she clung to my arm to walk down the aisle, I realized how I have wasted six months of my life trying to forget her.
I admit that the trip to Wakanda helped me to find myself but nothing more.
I will never forget this wonderful woman.
Never.
I am not able to.
Throughout the day, our gazes met hundreds of times, always fleeting but meaningful contacts, full of unspoken words.
Full of passion.
I tried to stay away from her but I couldn't, in the end I knew I would give in and talk to her.
Earlier, in front of that little pond, if Tony hadn't interrupted us I don't know how it would have ended.
I probably would have kissed her, sending everything to hell.
More than once I have had to repeat to myself that we are just friends.
Just friends.
I have no idea why I offered her such a bullshit, staying friends is not possible for us.
It never will be.
Despite the way our story ended, despite the reason why it ended and despite her story with Lucas between us there was love.
There is still love.
A strong and overwhelming love.
A love so intense that it can never, ever become a simple friendship.
Lucas.
I sigh.
When she confessed to me that she is no longer with him, I felt a surge of pure joy.
And may God punish me but I am happy about it...indeed enthusiastic.
I know this doesn't mean anything but to me knowing that she brock up with that idiot lifts my wounded pride.
"Bucky?Buck, man!Are you here?"
Steve's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Apologizes.Were you saying?" I answer him, bringing my attention back to the two men by my side.
Sam and Steve exchange a glance and then return their gaze to me.
"What's up?" I ask confused placing my glass on the counter.
Steve is about to speak but Natasha from afar calls him.
“Steve, honey!Come here for a moment”
“Sorry guys.My wife calls me” he smiles proud to be able to call her that.
I watch Steve walk away and join his bride.
I watch them talk, Nat looks sad and Steve listens to her stroking her back in a sweet way.
I let my gaze wander for a few moments and I immediately realize the reason for her sadness.
Amaya is gone.
Great.
It will certainly be because of me.
"Did you talk to her?" Sam asks me, distracting me for the umpteenth time from my mental ruminations.
"Yep" I mutter briefly as I bend over to grab the bottle of Champagne from behind the counter and pour myself another glass.
This is one of the moments I regret most of my past life.
I can get drunk.
Get drunk and put my problems aside for a few hours.
"And?What did you say to each other?What happened?Please don't tell me you just said hi”
Sam bombarded me with questions.
I know he doesn't do it out of simple curiosity, from his eyes I understand how worried he really is.
I don't know if he is more for me or for Amaya.
“She told me it's over between her and Lucas but she didn't tell me why.Do you know something about that?”
Sam laughs and interrupts me.
“Oh no Buck!It does not work like that.I have been trying to talk to you about her for six months and you have always refused to listen to me and now would you like information from me?"
Sam continues to laugh.
He is really annoying.
"Go to her and talk to her" he encourages me.
A sad smile appears on my lips.
"I...it's not that easy"
Sam grabs my shoulder forcing me to turn completely towards him.
“Listen to me asshole.I've been close to Amaya for the past six months, every day between me Nat and Steve we took turns to never leave her alone.That woman is broken and you need to talk to her.Amaya is not feeling well my friend.If you don't love her anymore, which I doubt, you have to let her go.You have to free her from you”
I am shocked by his words.
Why on earth should I free her from me?
She has long forgotten me.
Her relationship with Lucas confirms this.
"But she has already forgotten about me, Lucas..."
"Pffff!" Sam interrupts me, snorting for the umpteenth time.
“Forget that guy.She was confused and hurt and he was there, nothing more.She ditched him on Christmas morning” my friend continues.
Christmas morning?
After I'm gone?
"What?Why?They had just come out of the closet” I ask incredulously.
Sam rolls his eyes.
“Jeez!I don't understand what a beautiful woman like Amaya can find in an idiot like you!You really don't get there?"
We look into each other eyes while remaining silent.
"Amaya will claim my life for what I'm about to tell you but if I don't think about it I doubt you two can ever get over this huge mess" sighs Sam.
“What are you talking about Wilson?I...I don't understand you"
I feel the anxiety rising up my stomach and attacking every single cell of my brain.
What does Sam have to tell me that's so important?
“Bucky, Amaya is still in love with you.Please go to her and take her back.Do you think I don't notice?Or that none of those present noticed it?I see how you look at her and your eyes say something completely different from the bullshit about her ’having forgotten her that you keep feeding us"
I can't answer.
I don't know what to say.
Does Amaya still love me?
No, it's not possible...
"It can't be  my friend, she..."
Sam hits me with a light punch on the chest.
“Forget what she told you.Women are strange, complicated.Amaya is more than anyone else.You just have to go to her and tell her how you feel"
If this were true…if this were true what I told her earlier may have screwed up my only chance to recover our relationship.
I bury my face in my hands.
“Shit!Shit!Shit!" I exclaim between my teeth.
I'm a jerk.
"What happens?" Sam asks me intrigued by my reaction.
“I asked her to be friends”
Friends.
The stupidest idea I could ever have.
"Are you fucking kidding me?Really man?"
Sam looks really angry.
“I thought…I don't know.She was dancing there in my arms and I said the first thing that came to my mind in order to still have her presence in my life"
Steve and Natasha approach us.
I look at Sam hoping that he understands not to say anything else, I know perfectly well that Amaya and Nat are best friends and from the look of the redhead in front of me I know very well that she holds me responsible for the recent escape of her friend.
“Before concluding the evening completely, do we all have a toast together?Bruce, Tony and Pepper are waiting for us at the table” exclaims Steve.
His voice is a little sharper in an attempt to be joyful and mask the anger and discontent that moment by moment become more and more evident in the Black Widow's gaze.
"Sure" Sam murmurs as he quickly slipped away, escaping Nat's wrath.
"Too bad we're not all" hisses the redhead turning to me and pretending a joyful smile.
Here we are.
The storm is about to hit.
"Natasha"
"No Steve" she snaps.
"Don’t!I never said anything and stayed on your side when you took it out on Amaya.When you accused her and you threw up all your anger on her.But that's enough now!"
Did Steve and Amaya fight over me?
This is something I never wanted.
“Steve why are you angry with her?It was my decision to leave” I ask feeling guilty.
"Because according to him it was Amaya's fault, she pushed you to leave" continues Nat.
"He accused her of never having loved you and of feeling happy at your departure.And she?Do you know what she did?She apologized.She apologized for something she had no fucking fault for” Nat retorts fervently.
Steve lowers his head embarrassed, surely he feels guilty of having made another human being suffer, moreover a friend of him.
I don't want my problems, my problems with Amaya, to become a matter of discussion among my best friends so I decide to intervene.
“Hey, hey!Please don't fight on your wedding day, especially don't fight it because of me.I'm sorry I wasn't there to resolve the situation immediately”
Shit.
I made a big mess.
Nat's eyes soften as she sees her great love so dejected.
She raises a hand to rest it on his cheek and Steve's eyes immediately lift to chained to hers.
“I'm sorry I talked to you so harshly” she whispers.
He smiles softly at her holding her in her arms.
"Everything is fine.I deserved it” Steve admits with a chuckle.
Natasha brings her intense green eyes back to my face.
"Bucky if you love her go to her and tell her...otherwise you have to disappear forever from her life" she whispers to me.
I look down feeling like a complete idiot.
I know what I want.
But does that automatically make it the right choice?
What if we never get back what we had?
Could I bear the pain that would follow?
And above all, will Amaya ever manage to completely forget the past or will every occasion be a good one to bring up what has been?
I feel my head explode.
A strong and firm hand rests on my shoulder.
“Go to her brother.No more wait.No more run away” Steve whispers to me softly.
I breathe deeply and make my decision.
"Do you mind if I miss the toast?I have to go” I ask excitedly, filled with a new awareness.
Amaya still loves me and perhaps nothing is lost.
"Go stupid!" Natasha exclaims laughing and pushing me away.
Without saying goodbye to anyone, I rush towards the parking lot getting into the first car that comes within range.
"Take me to the Stark Tower please" I tell the driver, taking the back seat and taking off my jacket and tie.
Thousands and thousands of thoughts swirl in my head, crisscrossing each other like a swarm of maddened bees.
Thoughts turn into a deafening buzz preventing me from being able to think clearly.
What do I have to do now?
What should I tell her?
I feel the courage faded but I already know that if I didn't, if I didn't talk to her, I would regret it for my whole life.
I have no idea how I will approach the discussion but I have to do it.
Lost in my fears, I am awakened by the driver's voice.
“We arrived Sergeant Barnes.I wish you a good night"
"Thank you" I murmur as I quickly get out of the car.
With great strides I head towards the entrance of the tower and without waiting for the elevator I rush up the stairs until I find myself in front of the door of her room.
I knock a couple of times but there is no response from the inside.
Is she already sleeping?
I put my ear to the door but I don't hear any noise.
I dare to open the door a few inches.
"Amaya?Amaya are you here?" I ask in a low voice but I still don't get any answer.
So I throw the door wide open and to my surprise the room is empty.
The bed is unmade and there are clothes thrown in jumbles on the floor, which means that she hasn't returned to her room since this morning.
I exit stopping in the middle of the corridor.
"Where the hell are you Amaya" I whisper with a breath of voice.
Then suddenly I realize.
I know where she is.
I leave my jacket and tie on the corridor floor and quickly go up the last few flights of stairs until I am in front of the metal door that once opened will lead me to the roof of the tower.
I'm sure Amaya is here.
I grab the handle and slowly open it.
Once outside I let my gaze wander until I find her.
She is sitting on the fire escape.
In front of my eyes it stands out the wonderful profile of her, she has her head bent forward and her long red hair falls forward leaving her back free.
I pause for a moment to observe her skin, perfect and shining like alabaster.
I keep wandering my gaze until I reach her bare feet.
Her shoes lie on the ground next to an almost empty bottle of Tequila.
Ok, I hadn't put this on the list.
Talking to a drunk Amaya won't be easy at all.
I don't want to scare her so I just clear my throat.
She jumps all the same, turning her head sharply towards me.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" I whisper, hinting at a smile.
"God you look like a broken record Barnes" she replies slightly mumbling and returning her gaze to the void in front of her.
Great.
This isn't a good start.
I slowly approach until I find myself next to her.
She continues to keep her gaze straight ahead.
She seems absolutely determined to ignore me.
"Can I sit next to you?"
Amaya bites her bottom lip closing her eyes, then she opens them again and points them at me.
"Sure but on one condition" she tells me.
"Which?"
“To sit here you have to be pathetic.This is the corner for pathetic people with pathetic lives"
I smile.
"Oh then I'm in the right place!" I exclaim.
"I ran away from my problems and currently live with a cat, am I pathetic enough?" I add giggling amused.
Amaya studies me with her immense and wonderful eyes, then she moves a little, making my way through.
“Yes, I'd say that's enough” she replies, bending over and grabbing the bottle from the floor.
“I'm happy to offer you some, but there's only a sip left.So..."
"It'll be fine" I exclaimed, snatching the bottle from her hands and gulping down the last remaining Tequila.
Amaya watches me with wide eyes.
“I could punch you in the face for what you just did Barnes” she spits between her teeth and elicits a genuine laugh.
Laughter that not even she can resist.
Her lips curl slightly upwards.
“I won't be able to get drunk but I can still like some good Tequila” I tell her smiling.
We remain silent to observe New York from the top of our position.
"Why are you here James?"
I close my eyes.
Why am I here?
I'm here to make you mine again I would like to tell her but I bite my tongue.
I can't tell her, at least not now that she's drunk.
We seriously need to talk and I need her to be completely lucid.
"I came to make sure you were okay" I reply instead.
Amaya stiffens, clenches her jaw so hard that I'm afraid her teeth may break at any moment.
“Well, as you can see, I'm fine.Now you can also dislodge” she reiterates harshly.
I watch her as she stands up and staggering she tries to lean forward to grab her shoes.
I get up quickly grabbing her quickly.
“I wouldn't say it.Let me take you to your room at least” I tell her but she pushes me away forcefully and staggering she approaches the railing to which she clings.
“Don't be silly Amaya.You can't stand up.I will not leave you alone on a roof” I scold her as I approach her again.
"Don't touch me" she hisses and a moment later she leans forward throwing up.
I approach her again.
I stand behind her and move her hair from her face, gathering it in a ponytail.
"I don't need your help" she mumbles then another violent gag shakes her stomach.
I do not answer her and I continue to help her, with my free hand without noticing I begin to caress her back.
Her soft skin gives me shivers and a rush of pure electricity runs through me until it reaches the crotch of my pants.
Oh Lord!
This is neither the time nor the most suitable moment but I can't stop the sensations that her proximity transmits to me.
"I don't want you to see me like this"
I hear her whisper as she slowly gets up and turns to me.
"It's okay Amaya, you don't have to hide from me" I whisper to her, pushing a few locks away from her sweat-soaked forehead.
"Now let me help you?Let's go I'll take you to your bed” I tell her, approaching her and taking her in my arms.
I pass an arm behind her back while my other slides behind her knees, before lifting up I grab her shoes with my fingertips.
When I get up she screams in surprise and giggling she wraps her arms around my neck, she gently rests her head on my chest.
Can you feel my heart Amaya?
Do you feel how furious it beats?
This heart beats only for you.
“Stark will kill me.I threw up on his roof” she giggles.
I giggle with her.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it later"
Very carefully I go down the stairs until I reach her bedroom door.
Her perfume clouds my every lucid thought.
"Listen Amaya, I need to put something more comfortable too, so I'll take you to my room.Ok?I don't trust leaving you alone”
She doesn't answer, she just nods her head.
I open my bedroom door until I get to the bed and put her back down making sure she can stand up.
"Stay here, ok?" I tell her speaking slowly, as is done with children.
I want to make sure she understand what I am telling her.
"At the orders Sergeant" she replies by giving me the military salute and then laughing.
I roll my eyes.
She is really drunk.
I turn around and just have time to take off my shirt that a thud behind me makes me jump.
I turn my head and Amaya is sitting on the floor massaging her ass.
I approach her, lowering myself.
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask trying to hold back the laughter.
I don't want to offend her.
"I wanted to sit on the bed but that damn thing has moved"
I can't help myself any longer and I burst out laughing.
“Oh my God Amaya!You're really drunk”
I help her get up by placing my hand on her hips, her hands instead clinging to my biceps.
Once standing we remain motionless facing each other.
I still keep my hands on her hips as her hands slowly move across my bare chest.
I can't help it but I gasp at her caress on my burning skin.
Her eyes are fixed on my body and with her thumb she just rubs the scar on my chest.
Like she did before at the lake.
As she did every time we have sex
"Your reminder" she whispers so softly that for a moment I think I've only imagined it.
Her eyes lift from my chest to plant in my eyes.
"Have you ever regretted doing it?" she asks me stroking the scar again.
I take my hands away from her body and I remain petrified staring at her.
“How the hell can you think of such a thing Amaya.If it were about saving your life I would do it a thousand times more” I reply feeling almost offended by her question.
Does she really think I could ever regret saving her?
I see her just back away and making sure the bed is right behind her she throws herself on top of it.
“Why don't you hate me?It would all be easier for me” she snorts.
What a strange statement.
What would be simpler?
I sigh and sit next to her.
"Honestly?I tried.I tried to hate you.I thought that doing it I would suffer less but then the distance helped me to understand many things"
I turn to her to steal every emotion of her but she does not return my gaze, her eyes are fixed on one point unspecified of the floor.
She barely moves her legs and the slit of her dress spreads out leaving her bare thigh in front of my eyes.
I squeeze the covers under me in my fists, the desire to touch her is so great.
Too much.
I missed her immensely, I missed everything about her.
Her smiles, her pouting, her screams.
Her body.
"Do you like what you see Sergeant?" Amaya murmurs.
I immediately return my gaze to her.
A strange light shines in her eyes and a sensual smile spreads across her lips.
She slips a little closer to me and places her hand on my knee.
I stiffen immediately.
What the hell is she doing?
"Relax soldier" she chuckles, amused.
“It wouldn't be the first time I've touched you” she whispers as her hand goes up my thigh and then goes and rests lightly and delicately on my abdominals.
I start violently and she giggles in amusement.
For my part, I feel incapable of reacting, at the moment my instinct is in battle with my reason.
Her hand goes up tracing the contours of my muscles and her mouth slowly rests on my neck.
Then her fingers wrap around the tags I wear around my neck.
A gesture she always made.
A gesture so intimate and private that it made my soul tremble.
"What are you doing Amaya?" I whisper totally confused.
“Have sex with me Bucky” she mutters seductively as her teeth pinch the delicate skin of my neck.
A rush of pure pleasure runs through my entire body but I try to suppress it.
I can't do this.
I can't do this to her.
I can't do this to myself.
"Amaya you're drunk"
I try to move away but she gets bolder and comes even closer grabbing my hand and placing it on her thigh.
"C'mon Bucky.Sex between us has always been great.I need you.Nobody ever fucked me like you” she mumbles.
Without realizing, I squeeze her tender flesh tightly and a moan escapes her lips.
A moan that wakes me from my lust like a slap in the face.
I walk away from her by a few inches.
"This is enough Amaya"
She laughs, lifting her mouth off my neck.
"You really don't want me?" she asks sulking.
Her hand resumes her descent and when I feel she is about to touch the belt of my pants, I grab her wrist, pulling her hand away with force.
“Amaya stop.You are crossing the line.I don't want to have sex with you” I tell her firmly.
Her eyes harden and she jerks her hand back.
We observe each other indefinitely, a deafening silence resounds in my ears.
I didn't really tell the truth but I certainly won't take advantage of her to give vent to my instincts.
The anger in her eyes begins to subside and a new feeling appears in her eyes.
Her eyes widen and she laughs.
She stands shaking and puts her hands to her face while still laughing.
“God I can't believe it!How did I not understand it before?" she exclaims.
"What are you talking about Amaya?" I ask, getting up in my turn and approaching her.
"You already have someone warming up your lonely Wakandian nights, don't you?" she spits angrily.
It's anger and...jealousy?
I lift a corner of my lips shaking my head.
My reaction seems to make her very nervous.
"And tell me, she is blonde with blue eyes or is she a beautiful Wakandian with bewitching eyes?" she continues.
"Don't be ridiculous, please" I reply, heading towards the closet and grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of sweetpants.
I finish dressing under the attentive and watchful gaze of Amaya who observes me without any modesty.
She has her arms crossed in front of her breasts and not a single gesture of mine is lost.
I put on the t-shirt and take off the elegant trousers to wear the more comfortable ones I just got from the wardrobe.
"Then?" Amaya asks me with a death stare.
"Then what?"
"Do you have another woman?"
"Are you jealous Snow?"
My non-response seems to freak her out.
“Go to hell Barnes” she murmurs between her teeth.
I laugh at her reaction and move closer to her.
She is jealous.
This is a good sign.
"Do you really think I'm fucking another woman?" I ask sharply.
Amaya looks down without answering me.
The silence continues and, convinced that she will no longer answer me, I go back to my closet to get something comfortable for her too.
“I wouldn't blame you if you did.I've been mean to you.I fucked someone else to try to forget you” she murmurs behind me.
Her voice rings weak and full of pain.
My heart reacts to her confession by losing a beat.
Of course I figured she had sex with Lucas but hearing she says it has another effect.
It hurts.
I clear my throat trying to remain as neutral as possible.
“You don't have to justify yourself to me Amaya.We are no longer together, you can do whatever you want" I replied.
I slowly turn back to her who is still in the same position as before.
I approach again placing my shirt on the bed.
"Come on, I'll help you change" I tell her.
Amaya crosses her arms.
"I don't wear anything under my dress other than panties" she replies embarrassed.
Embarassed?
Until a few moments ago she was practically about to jump on me and now she blushes like a little girl?
I shake my head in amusement.
"Amaya, there is nothing down there that I haven't already seen.C'mon turn around"
She turns meekly, giving her back to me.
I bring my hands close to her body and slowly pull the zip down.
"After all, I don't have any effect on you anymore" she murmurs to herself, believing I can't hear her.
What bullshit.
As if right now my erection isn't pulling painfully into my boxers begging for a little relief.
The zip runs all the way down giving me the view of her wonderful ass.
She is wearing only a skimpy white thong and God knows how much I would like to kneel at her feet and sink my face into her warm and tender flesh.
I clench my jaw hard.
I have to relax.
Amaya turns letting her dress slip at her feet, I reach down and grabbing her ankle I help her to get out of her dress completely.
Her hands rest on my shoulders to seek a balance that she does not currently have.
As I lift my eyes for a moment they linger on her femininity and images of our past overwhelmingly fill my head.
Amaya lying on the bed moaning incessantly as I greedily devour her pussy.
Amaya against the shower wall and I kneel at her feet feasting on her sweet nectar.
Amaya pushing my face hard between her thighs begging me not to stop.
I squeeze my eyes tightly trying to put aside these unchaste thoughts of mine.
When I get to my feet I grab the t-shirt on the bed and hand it to her trying not to linger too long to look at her wonderful boobs.
Amaya puts on my shirt and then she sits back on the bed, her face sad.
I sigh and go back to sit next to her.
"There is no other woman Amaya" I tell her in a whisper.
"Really?"
I nod turning towards her.
Our gaze merge.
She seems to want to tell me something but suddenly her skin color changes and a light layer of sweat beading on her forehead.
I get up and thinking quickly grab the wastepaper basket and hold it in front of her face.
A moment later Amaya throw up again.
I hear her cry softly.
“It's okay doll” I whisper to her as I massage her back with my free hand.
"I hate throwing up" she whines.
"I know" I reply, giggling.
Once she is free she throws herself back on the bed, I go to the bathroom to rinse the bin and look for some aspirins.
When I return I find her lying on her stomach, one leg extended while the other is slightly bent upwards, letting the shirt rise just showing me the soft curve of her ass.
I try not to focus my attention too much on her body and sit next to her, brushing her hair away from her face.
“My head hurts” she murmurs as she squeezes her eyes tight.
I roll my eyes.
“I'm not surprised doll!Any human being would have passed out after a whole bottle of Tequila.A headache is the least you can have” I tell her with a chuckle.
Her eyes open and their green dazzles me leaving me speechless.
“I missed hearing myself called doll.I missed you”
I smile at her softly kissing her forehead.
“I missed you too”
Her eyes are veiled with tears.
"James I owe you an apology"
"No Amaya"
"But I..."
"Listen to me" I interrupt her softly.
"This is not a discourse that we can address now.We'll talk about it again tomorrow but now you just have to take these aspirins and sleep.Ok?" I say handing her the aspirins.
She seems to think about it then she just nods and lifting herself up on one elbow she lets herself be helped.
With one hand I help her to keep her head straight and with the other I bring a glass of water to her lips.
Amaya swallows her pills while drinking greedily, then she lies down closing her eyes.
“Do you want me to take you to your room?"
Amaya shakes her head.
"Ok.I'll be on the sofa, if you need something just call me” I tell her grabbing the blanket and covering her legs.
Amaya nods and I caress her head leaving a kiss on her scented hair.
I stay a few minutes to observe her.
Her breathing slows down and her mouth barely opens, she is already sleeping so I decide to get up and go to the sofa.
I lie down and remain to observe the ceiling I think back to everything that happened today slipping slowly into sleep.