No Repeats

Without backing or power

Hearing my grandma, I was reminded of our living situation and quickly walked towards the kitchen. Sweeping a quick look over the small room with a fire hearth stove and ceramic jars on the floor. I went through our storage and found that our supply was quite low, with a few sweet potatoes, flour, rice and two jars full of pickled radishes and green vegetables.

My parents were working in town up until six months ago and were able to send back their savings to help with basic living. But six months ago, we received message that my parents have died suddenly without any explanation.

We went to call on the magistrate to give an answer to their mysterious deaths and sought for the return of their bodies but was turned away brutally with a few canes. It was my first taste of the reality of poverty and powerlessness.

Who would waste their time and energy to pacify a poor old blind woman and her weak thirteen-year-old granddaughter? Who cares about justice if it means offending people with power?

Without money or backing, we had to let it go and tried to keep on surviving on our own. The wounds from the canes had really affected Grandma's health but the loss of her only son and daughter-in-law was the bigger blow. Her smiles had become more forced and her eyes had more often then not, been misty with tears. For months, while she laid in bed trying to recover from her external wounds, her eyes were always puffy, and she didn't eat.

Recovering from physical pain is much easier than healing psychological trauma, so I can only begin to imagine what grandma felt when she lost me as well. Did she ever heal before the plague hit the village, or was it a welcomed release for her?

The pain of injustice had tortured me in my past life, but I was forced to put it down as I dealt with my own problems. The more of the world I experienced, I realised that there were always injustices and it was nature's way for the powerful to oppress the weak.

Look at me, I had served in the Huang Manor as Yu Li's concubine and had a 'protected' status, yet, there were always schemes and punishments inflicted on my body. When I decided to end it all, my own body had been scarred and my husband had betrayed me.

It was the lowest point in my life, and I didn't have someone beside me who I could even talk to. The tears and sorrows were shed in the cold with only my shadow to comfort me. I think, even if there were just a small friendly smile from someone or just a little effort to reach out to me, I might have had second thoughts before making the jump.

Now, given this chance for a second go, my most pressing issue is how to survive, make more money and take my loved ones away from the plague that will kill them.

But first, the reality had to be dealt with before I can plan. I rolled up my sleeves and began to prepare dinner. Grandma has not eaten much since yesterday, even though the Feng family had given her food and though I feel weak, I am the only one able to cook. I decided that with the limited ingredients I can make sweet potato dumplings to share with the Feng family, though not precious but it is still more special than roast potatoes.

I quickly washed a handful of rice and put to boil in a medium size pot and stirred it occasionally so that it would reach the consistency of melt in your mouth congee without getting burnt.

I threw the sweet potatoes into the fire to roast as I mixed flour and water to make the dumpling pastry. Using the cooking skills, that the chefs in the Huang manor had secretly taught me to help me win Yu Li's favour and later to keep him alive, I was able to make fine pastry skins with the limited ingredients.

After the potatoes were well cooked, I cleaned and mashed it. Combined with finely minced pickled radishes that have been flashed fried, the filling has a fine balance of sweet and salty flavours. Using the little bit of oil left, I steamed and fried the dumplings so that the base is crispy while the top half is still soft creating a good contrast of textures.

The smell is intoxicating making my stomach grumble. Using a little of the pickled radish sauce, mixed with a small amount of soy sauce and water, I made dipping sauce to add flavour to the dish.

I had previously picked a couple of heads greens from the vegetable patch, cleaned and cut them to size. Using the still hot pan with lingering droplets of oil, I quickly stir fried the vegetables.

Just when the meal is nearly ready, I hear Uncle Feng's booming voice, teaching Feng Yi how to properly disarm a large bait. I quickly wiped my hands and forehead and rushed out to greet them.

My heart is beating wildling in my chest at this moment from the excitement! I have not seen them for over ten years. Everyday, when the going got tough, I had often wondered if I would have been suffering so much if Feng Er had saw me that day and called out for Uncle Feng.

He might have been able to help me, but then again, he might not and would have gotten injured in the process. It is useless to think of that now and all I want to do is rush up to them and give them a nice big hug. 

I missed them so much, they are my family after all, my father and my brothers.