No Repeats

Why can't I love you?

"This old bones of mine are getting wearied. Mai Mai, please take me back to my room, I am needing a nap," said Grandma Shu as she stood up and held her hand out to her favourite maid.

"Lin Xi will help you," said Lin Xi as she also quickly stood up.

"No, my dear, stay here with Little Feng and enjoy the rest of the sweets. Little Feng don't waste Little Lin Xi's efforts," commanded the grandma with a mischievous smile on her face. Despite her greyed eyes which cannot see the brilliant colours and shapes of the world, Grandma Shu is more astute towards the human heart. How can she not hear the shy voice of the girl when Father Feng enters a room or the longing of her heart over these last few years?

Truth be told, Grandma Shu was depressed when her granddaughter was kidnapped and without the loving care of the Lin sisters and the Feng family, the old woman's health would have significantly deteriorated and her will to live would not have survived the years of waiting and longing.

That was the consequence of Yu Li's selfishness, his domineering personality did not allow room to think about other people's 'insignificant' feelings. He thought that by leaving the Lin sisters around to protect this family and compensated them with powerful backing, that it was sufficient to cover for the harmful consequences his actions caused.

However, the reality is that it was only by a miracle that his actions didn't have even more dire consequences. It was only by the inner strength of the old woman, who had experienced so much loss in her lifetime and yet could find it in her heart to hold onto a small fragment of hope that she was still alive. If the Lin sisters themselves weren't wholehearted devoted to the family and just treated this as a mission, the level of care and attention Grandma Shu would had received would be subpar, artificial, and obvious.

"Grandma, please enjoy your rest, but remember don't nap for too long otherwise you will find it difficult to sleep later tonight. My sister and I have arranged for a beautiful summer banquet, Lin An have been busy all morning getting the right ingredients to prepare for tonight," said Lin Xi with a gentle smile.

"Good girl, please don't nag anymore, these old bones understand," said Grandma Shu as she hobbled off while chuckling to herself.

"Little Lin Xi, the summer banquet sounds exciting, but today isn't a special occasion, why make such effort?" asked Father Feng once the old woman is out of earshot.

"You don't remember? Oh, that's right, how could you remember, it is such an insignificant thing," said Lin Xi sadly.

Seeing the elegant girl frown slightly, her demeanour no longer upbeat as before made Father Feng's heart itch. As a man, he never wants to hurt a woman, let alone such a wonderful girl who have been devoted to their family for so long. In his eyes, she deserves all the best things in the world, her gentleness and beauty could only be matched with the most eligible bachelors who could give her wealth and happiness.

Father Feng felt confused, what had he said to make her so sad?

"Of course, I remember, it is a special occasion indeed," lied Father Feng as he covered his mouth with a small cough. He made a note to ask Feng Er afterwards, the boy always has a great memory for these things.

"So, you think it is a special occasion too?" asked Lin Xi happily.

"Hmm...of course, so very special. Do you need any help, I can cook you know?" he said hoping to change the topic.

"I'm glad, Uncle Feng...no, rather, Brother Feng, I hope you understand my heart now," said Lin Xi shyly.

Father Feng was startled and scared witless. He looked at the elegant girl opposite him, smiling brilliantly and her beautiful eyes twinkled with the brightness of thousands of stars. His brain could not register what she just said and the sudden change in direction of their conversation. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead and his heart pounded so powerfully in his chest that he forgot how to speak.

"Brother Feng are you alright?" asked Lin Xi with a concerned look on her face.

"Umm..hmm...Little Xi, what did you just call me? I'm a slow man...trying to...process..." stammered Father Feng. He has not felt like this since he met his wife all those years ago. His body felt hot all over, and it is not from the hot afternoon sun.

"Brother Feng? Ahh...you didn't really remember today's occasion. I'm so embarrassed!" cried Lin Xi as she covered her face with her hands and peeked through her fingers to see his reaction. Lin Xi giggled silently in her heart, she loved seeing Father Feng flustered, in her eyes his big, burly, and rough physique is just too adorable especially when she understood his soft heart.

Lin Xi had fallen deeply in love with this man who is over twenty years her senior, since the first day she met him, Lin Xi could not control her heart. The cold and merciless killer who worked only by the books broke every rule concerning these targets. Especially, the most important rule of all, do not get emotionally entangled with the target. You could sleep with them, you could kill them, but you cannot love them.

Yet, her training and reasoning could not control her own heart. She knew that she would have to give it all up and confess about her past to him at some stage, but right now, all she wanted to do is to show her feelings to him. Even if she gets rejected like the many other women, at least she had tried and failed. Lin Xi knew that after waiting for five years, the man is so thick that he would never make the first move. It is all up to her at this point.

"I confess, I don't remember. But why?" asked Father Feng.

"It is the day that we first met each other, after you rescued my sister, remember? Brother Feng, I thought you would have known by now, but my heart belongs to you and only you.... haven't I made it obvious enough?" asked Lin Xi bravely.

"No...I don't know..." stammered Father Feng again, now that she had said it so bluntly, he cannot deny it.

"You don't know? Oh, I'm so embarrassed but Brother Feng, I will not call you Uncle anymore. From today onwards, I will be openly pursuing you and you cannot hide from what is to come," said Lin Xi with much determination.

"Little Lin Xi, I am your father's age, I am not worthy of your love...it is wrong," said Father Feng sadly. He looked down at his rough hands, the veins had popped out from years of hard labour and imagined how rough his face is after the years have worn it down. How can he be worthy of this beautiful and elegant young woman in the prime of her life?

"Who can say this love is wrong? I love you and I know you have feelings for me, why can't we be together?" pressed Lin Xi as emotions started to overflow inside her chest and tears formed in her eyes.

Seeing the beautiful woman with big bright eyes filled with tears and looking at him with such emotion sent Father Feng's heart into a frenzy. He is not an ice man; how can he not be touched by her sincerity and generosity all these years. He admired her strength and kindness, her elegant demeanour, her smile, and her cooking, but it never crossed his mind that this woman had loved him. How can he, a widower, an old and useless man be worthy of her?

"No, you can't love me..." stammered Father Feng.

"Why can't I love you?" she asked.

"Because I am old and useless. I am ugly, I have children, I don't have anything to give you. Because you are in the prime of your life, you are beautiful and desirable. Because you deserve the best that this world has to offer. You don't deserve someone like me. Little Lin Xi don't be confused and throw away your life for someone like me," he said sadly as he buried his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Lin Xi smiled as tears rolled down her cheeks. She walked over to stand in front of the man and knelt, her face close to his as she pried opened his hands away from his face and held it in her hands before saying, "it's too late."