Insomniacs (#1)

7. captive

Slyly, I stole the wine glass in my mum's hand and hurriedly managed to sneak a sip of the sweetness before it was ripped out of my hand.

"Ria." Mum scowled but bit back a laugh as I wiped off the drop of wine on my lips with the back of my hand.

"Sorry, I sipped half a millimetre of wine. I'm an alcoholic now." I looked up to her, speaking with the flattest tone I could muster.

The rain had ceased down to a gentle drizzle, the predominance of the bad weather being the dreariness of the grey clouds. The house was warm though and mum had changed all the blankets, pillows and decor to oranges and greys in change of autumn.

Its her thing. Christmas time - the house is the typical reds and greens. Spring is a mixture of pastel blues and pinks. Summer is entirely yellow and as we've established, autumn is a comforting orange and grey.

"Are you- why are you crying?" I furrowed my eyebrows at the puffiness of her eyes.

She nodded up to the TV and my lips formed an o in realisation. She was watching The Notebook.

"And that's my cue to fucking leave." I slapped my hands down on the couch, mum's jaw dropping as I got up and walked to the kitchen. I hate sob stories. Horror movies are more my thing.

I walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge, pulling out apple juice and pouring myself some into a glass. When I shut the refrigerator again, my gaze pinned to the photograph stuck to the front of it.

I felt my heart sink into my stomach at the sight of the three of us. I remember the moment of the picture exactly.

"Come on now, darls. Stand under it." Mum held up her camera and ushered the three of us under the London Zoo sign.

"Why am I always in the middle?" I asked, scrunching up my eyebrows and April giggled. She always laughed when I wrinkled my eyebrows like that, weirdo.

April and Gabe shared a glance and I watched them suspiciously.

"Because we get to do this." Gabe said with a wide smile and before I could run, the two of them had grabbed my face and pressed a kiss to each of my cheeks. Laughter bubbled from my chest, pushing them off me once the picture was taken.

I went after April first because I knew she'd be easier to catch, trapping her in my embrace and peppering sloppy kisses over her face.

"Aria! Jesus, stop, please!" She could barely breathe between her endless laughs.

Soon after, I was chasing Gabe beneath the London Zoo sign until he'd slipped on the snow. He burst out into laughter, flopping down and laying his arms and legs out like a starfish.

Me and April couldn't contain our laughter as I jumped on top of him, peppering kisses all over his face, just like I did to April. His giggles were never-ending too.

I knew that familiar emotion - the feeling of wanting to cry. Like a ball of emotion was stuck at the bottom of your throat.

I hadn't let myself cry in three years but there were moments, when it felt like it'd be so easy to just scream and let it all out. With my fingers skimming over the photograph, my gaze pinned to our smiles, I felt it so strongly.

I managed to swallow it down but that only caused repercussions.

The thing I hate most about panic attacks is the spontaneity. I could be sitting in a room full of the people I love most, feeling the most content I'd ever felt and my chest could suddenly seize, a panic could abruptly take over and I'm powerless to my body.