Insomniacs (#1)

48. four years

Ocean Grove Beach. The lavender field where we let a lantern go.

Those were the last two stops and each one was bliss. Each one was as memorable as could be.

Otis practically had to speed drive to get to Ocean Grove within twenty five minutes. Me and Luca were too busy kissing on the top deck to notice the world whizzing past us.

When we got there, the sight of the boardwalk hit me with a pang of emotions. This was the spot I first kissed him. I'd always, always remember it. Even the misery later that night.

In the end, his kiss felt like it started to dig me out of the pit I'd fallen into. Allowed me to feel what I'd trapped away for so long. I wondered where I'd be if I hadn't, if my downfall would still be lingering over my head. I wondered if it'd have been more catastrophic.

We kissed on the boardwalk again and traipsed on the sand. Talked under the moonlight. Absorbing every content emotion we felt, taking in every bit of each other - evident in the fact we couldn't stop staring at each other.

Me and him, we were experienced enough, even as young as we were, with the constant knowledge that nothing lasts. Happiness is a feeling, just like any other. Its ability to be swept away, its lack of permanency is what makes it an emotion. It's what makes it so beautiful.

Like with any other emotion, sadness, anger, we knew they don't last forever. They're swept up with different torrents of emotions as you continue on.

And though we so desperately wanted this euphoria to last forever and ever, strong enough so nothing could penetrate the little bubble we'd formed ourselves, we knew it was impossible. There'd come times not as wonderful as this, sad ones and less euphoric ones. That's what made moments like this all the more precious.

Good, happy - it was a feeling that'd become scarce to me over the past few years. A distant friend that I once knew and missed dearly.

Recently, the emotion had become as familiar to me as the lines on my palms or the reflection in a mirror. I felt it every time he looked at me like there was nothing else in his line of sight. When dimples would indent his cheeks. When laughter would echo from his chest. When his fingers grazed small patterns on my skin. When he'd kiss my knuckles, cheek, forehead, lips, heart, soul.

We tried to build sandcastles. We traced our names in the plush sand, big enough that you could see it from the boardwalk if you squinted. My dress was pulled off me at one point and we were dashing ourselves into the freezing water.

When I say the water was freezing, I mean it. Enough to make my every muscle lock in shock but also for a rush of adrenaline to rock through me. I blinked a few times to get my eyes open and shot him two middle fingers.

He didn't return them. Only tugged me close and kissed me underwater.

The splashing and pulling each other under continued until I sprinted away from him. And eventually back onto the bus so we could warm up. The only problem was that my sundress was a somewhere in the middle of the ocean and I was freezing. Luca gave me his black tee, leaving him shirtless as we ended up back at the lavender field.

Because of how cold we were, we stayed inside but Lu pulled back the drapes so we had the view of the glimmering lake, the purple lavender rows before it.

I turned so I was facing the window, crossing my forearms on the small windowsill and resting my chin on my arms. Luca's finger trailed up and down my back, kissing my shoulder once.

Then, Luca pulled out a small, thin rectangular box that I'd never even seen in there. I crossed my legs on the seat and he copied me, crossing his legs on the seat too so our knees were touching.